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#Just Saying

2012-01-10T09:25:00.000-08:00

I think that everything happens to us for a reason.

The hard times that we go through;

build our characters, making us a much stronger person & help us to accept the people the way they are.

In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take,

the relationships we were scared to have

& the decisions we waited too long to make.

There comes a time in your life when you realize

who matters, who doesn’t, who never did and who always will.

So don’t worry about the people from your past,

there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.

That's the least I could think of.

If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan.

& guess what they have planned for you? Not much, I believe.

Sometimes we become consumed with the everyday troubles which sometimes are blown way out of proportion.

All too often, however, we let these troubles weigh too heavily on our shoulders.

We lose focus and stressed ourselves on unnecessary things.

We magnified the tiny dots of problem and see it as if it's the end of the world.

We must be willing to fail and to appreciate the truth that often says “Hey look, Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived." ;p

As I grow, I learn more on how to be a person & not to hold everything too tightly to oneself.

I also learn to enjoy the time spent doing what I want solely & not clinging onto others all the time doing what they want.

This, I'll leave a question mark to it,

but the point is, one should try to appreciate all that is going well in life,

even the slightest thing which too often being taken granted for and not paid attention to.

It is these types of moments that make the everyday issues trivial,

allowing us to devote less energy to stress and worry,

& more to life’s little treasures.

Well, sometimes, you just have to dance in the rain or merely just stare blankly at the sky, admiring the nature or even be contented to be able to wake up in the morning to experience life.

As lame as it sounds to be, that's my definition of Life, at least. heh.

Goodnight, I gotta go already else this big fat bear gonna sleep on my bed. =.=

Ps: This is my second night with my new roommate. Have I not introduced her yet? Well, her name is Chrismiin. I'm eager to learn more about her. Just a moment ago, I had a conversation with this lady & she told me that never once crossed her mind that we would be roommate & asked if she was dreaming. My reply as usual? I always believe in destiny. Things good or bad ALWAYS happened for a reason, & I tend to believe it's always for the betterment.. so tadaa, here it is yet another long post from me again. ;)

You cute lil' creature

2012-01-08T01:10:00.000-08:00

I dreamt of you yesterday. =.=

Happy New Year 2012!

2011-12-31T01:19:00.000-08:00

You know that song you hear every New Year's Eve? The one about not forgetting old acquaintances. Did you ever wonder what that phrase is in the chorus? On New Year's Eve, the most common song for most English-speaking people to sing is "Auld Lang Syne."

The words 'Auld Lang Syne' literally translates from old Scottish dialect meaning 'Old Long Ago' and is about love and friendship in times past. The lyrics in the song Auld Lang Syne referring to 'We'll take a Cup of Kindness yet' relate to a drink shared by men and women to symbolise friendship. Happy New Year!!!!

Auld Lang Syne is an extremely old Scottish song that was first written down in the 1700s. Robert Burns is the person whose transcription got the most attention, so the song is associated with him.

I like her version the most. soothing. hehe

2011-12-07T11:04:00.001-08:00

i don't know if this is even right.

Dear Ms. Pathetic!

2011-11-28T09:02:00.000-08:00

This post is for you.

If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so.
Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart or time for people who do not make an effort to stay.

& for the obvious reason,
I'm not upset that you lied to me,
I'm upset that from now on I can't trust you anymore.

ps: just get the hell outta my life ASAP & I do not wish to see you anymore.

pps: i promise there will be no more post about you. cos you do not worth even a second of my life to be wasted on you. not anymore.

11.11.11

2011-11-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

for today,
i was hit by PMS & got upset with one of my friend for the slightest thing
we both found it hilarious after the whole dramatic-screaming-and-shouting-scene.
oh, & i decided to have a new hairstyle.
i found it most amusing when the hairstylist actually told me my fringe looks like a railway road.
so i decided to chop it off.
ha ha ha

replacement class on a Saturday morning.
ahhhh, there goes my weekends.

have a blessed night, to-all-you-earthlings!

#thoughtsatnight

2011-11-09T08:53:00.001-08:00

Hello, I am Miss Selfish!
I have enough of tryna help everyone
& ended up torturing myself.
Enough is enough.
I don't wana risk my CGPA just for the sake of helping others anymore.
This is tiring you know.
If you are not willing to help yourself
don't expect others to lend a helping hand
to spoon feed you all the time.
This is annoying you know.
Enough is enough.
Call me selfish,
but once i'm done with this semester
Next semester onwards I'll start planning for myself,
for the sake of myself and no more you or others.
I'm tired of having this fear of not being good enough.
goodnight!

3rd Year. 36th Month. 156th Week. 1095th Day

2011-10-31T04:07:00.000-07:00

To my one & only,

To love a man like you,

is to know there'll always be someone;

whose strength i can lean on,

whose honesty i can trust.

it means knowing there'll always be someone;

whose sense of humor can lighten a care,
be it humorless or not, doesn't matter,

whose advice can put everything in perspective,
to be my greatest instructor, constantly teaching me life lessons.

it means knowing there's one special someone;

whose arms i can wrap up in when the rest of the world doesn't understand,

someone whose touch can take me to a place

where nothing matters but the two of us.

it means having someone very special to love.

01112011; 3 Years & it's going strong. I am indeed blessed! :D

Happy 3rd year anniversary, Patrick Tan!

Je t'aime de tout mon coeur. hehe

i have a story to tell..

2011-10-27T08:57:00.000-07:00

have any of you been following the episodes of Running Man?
if you haven't, you should start watching right now!
it's a korean variety shows.
laughter is the best medicine.
for yours truly, Running Man is the best stress-reliever medicine. heh heh

anyway, back to my personal updates,
recently, i've been getting more violent.
i've no explanation to this but it started to bother me.
i'm not a violent person by nature, & so i thought. ;p
i love to disturb people for god's sake. period
but recently, i've lost control & whack people whether i'm angry or excited.
this is getting out of hand.
somebody call 9-1-1?
i need help.

for the least, i'll try to get back to my old self. the polite old self.
just don't provoke me & trigger my itchy hand. that'll be fine.

now now, i've noticed some similarity between the casts of Running Man & my housemates. Here's the chosen pictures;

This.. Is.. SPARTAAA! i see that in ***, one of my housemates.

i used to ponder why la everyone gets so timid when see him, now i know why. when you have a similar Sparta living with you, you'll react the same way they did on television.

He has this label that says; "dont mess with me if you wanna live"

another interesting cast of Running Man. the one always being ignored and get bullied for, just because they don't fight back and obediently listen to you.

no, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying ***** is easily bullied or what nots, it just that too often people like me takes her for granted just because she is a nice person.

so people like me gets too carried away & jadi kaki buli.

but mind you, whenever night falls in
that's when i gain my consciousness
and to reflect on what i've done for the day,
it doesn't make me feel good as a human being.
that's a bad deed, yes i know.
& i'll remind myself to be a better person than i am today,
but when the sun rises,
the cycle repeats itself again.
tragedies repeat itself again
& i've no choice but to remind myself again,
be a good person, Suk Wai.
but history tends to repeat itself over and over again.
God saves me! ;)

*no offense intended.

hello there.

2011-10-25T07:59:00.000-07:00

Guess what.

I got a new phone!

It's a halloween's gift!

I've been a loyal fan of Nokia but recently I've switched to Samsung.

Still having difficulties to adapt;

either my fingers too fat or their keypads too small

either way, I've no complaints.

I would only count myself lucky ;)

So, time to say goodbye to Dinosaur phone & hello, Android!

wait, no. I think it's not Android according to Pat.

So, hello to whoever-you-are!

I'm having fun time listening to my message tone.

instead of the monotonous beep beep,

now I get to listen to THIS.. IS.. SPARTAAAAAA! ;D

ps. it's a pink yo! so girlish *winks

Self-talk

2011-10-07T23:27:00.000-07:00

For a fact,
I self-talked a lot.
I spoke to myself every morning, every night.
To constantly self-motivate.
To remind myself I have a purpose yet to be achieved.
Cos if I don't, high chances of me falling off track is of no surprise.

Rest In Peace, Steve Jobs!

2011-10-06T04:22:00.000-07:00

Apple's Think Different advertising campaign. 1997-2002

by Roger James Hamilton
My note on Steve: 13 Dots...

With the passing of Steve Jobs, it’s easy to think that Jobs’ career began and ended with Apple. It did, but the fastest way from A to B is rarely a straight line. In Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Speech, he talks about ‘connecting the dots’, saying “You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

Here’s thirteen dots that for me defined the story of Steve:

DOT ONE: When Steve Jobs launched Apple with Steve Wozniak in 1976, they decided to name the company after the fruit that according to legend spurred Isaac Newton’s theories on gravity. Jobs then spent most of his life defying gravity, and defying the odds.

DOT TWO: Starting with the premise that the best ideas are already out there, Jobs negotiated with Xerox to grant Apple engineers access to the Xerox PARC facilities in return for selling them one million dollars in pre-IPO Apple stock. It was from this visit that Jobs collected the ideas behind the fundamentals of today’s PC – the graphic user interface, mouse and pointer.

DOT THREE: How did Jobs go from start-up to listed company in four years? By getting his mentors to work for him. Jobs brought on a local VC, Mike Markkula, who bought shares in the company and subsequently became CEO. He brought in Regis McKenna, the best public relations man in Silicon Valley, to market the Apple II. Markkula was responsible for the early financing of the company, and for taking Apple public in 1980.

DOT FOUR: Despite becoming worth $217 million when Apple listed, Jobs kept relying purely on his intuition. Apple’s head of marketing, Mike Murray, commented, “Steve did his market research by looking into the mirror every morning.” Sales stalled, Jobs’ management style was seen by his board as a liability and, in 1985, he was thrown out of the company he had started nine years earlier.

DOT FIVE: That might have been the end of another entrepreneur story, was it not for Jobs’ perseverance. Having left Apple, he launched NeXT, to provide PCs to the education market. Apple sued Jobs for launching in competition, prompting him to say, “It’s hard to think that a $2 billion company with 4,300 plus people couldn’t compete with six people in blue jeans.” Jobs sold all but one of his Apple shares, and Apple continued to languish, falling from 20% market share to under 5% by 1996. Jobs, in the meantime, struggled with NeXT, burning through $250 million of investors’ money as he tried to market his new computers.

DOT SIX: In the same year that Jobs founded NeXT, George Lucas was looking to sell a small computer animation group he owned. Disney rejected an offer to buy 50% for $15 million, and a deal to sell to Ross Perot and Phillips for $30 million fell through. Jobs ended up negotiating Lucas to under $10 million for the business, thinking he could market the high-end animation computers that the group had designed.

DOT SEVEN: Renamed ‘Pixar’, Jobs’ new company began marketing the Pixar Image Computer to the medical market – with little success. By 1989, with Pixar losing over $1 million each month, and NeXT faring little better, Jobs found himself left with less than 20% of the $150 million he had received when he sold his Apple stock. At the rate he was going, within two years he would be back to zero.

DOT EIGHT: Taking drastic measures, Jobs sold the hardware side of Pixar for several million, taking a massive loss. By luck, an animated short movie the Pixar team produced in their spare time, “Tin Toy”, received an Oscar, and in 1993, Disney approved a full feature joint venture with Pixar called “Toy Story”.

DOT NINE: The victory was short lived with Disney shutting production of Toy Story down later in the year after losing confidence in the script. Then in 1994, Disney lost four executives in a helicopter crash, including Chief Operating Officer Frank Wells. Jobs was left attempting to get Toy Story back on track while also having to close the NeXT manufacturing facility and sales operation. Most of the NeXT team left. The investors, having put in another $100 million, saw that money disappear too. Toy Story, now back on Disney’s agenda, it would need to earn at least $100 million for Pixar to make any money from it at all; more than any other Disney film had made at the time.

DOT TEN: Even so, an audacious Jobs, down to his last dollar, decided to bet that not only would Toy Story be a success, it would enable him to publicly list Pixar and raise further funds. In November 1995, Toy Story opened to enormous acclaim, becoming the highest grossing release of the year, generating over $450 million in sales. One week later, Pixar had its IPO. Less than twelve months after his worst year financially, Steve Jobs was a billionaire.

DOT ELEVEN: Then, in 1996, Gil Emilio (the new CEO of Apple) went hunting for a new operating system and finally found it… in NeXT. Approaching Jobs for his system, Jobs was only interested in selling the entire company. Apple bought it for $377.5 million in cash and $1.5 million in Apple shares. In one fell swoop, Jobs could pay off all his investors and was involved with Apple again – after over ten years.

DOT TWELVE: In 1997 Apple sales were $7 billion and losses were over $1 billion. Jobs took to the challenge of revitalizing Apple. By 1998, Jobs launched the iMac, followed with the iPod, iPhone and iPad. The rise of Apple to become the most valuable company in the world are well documented, but less is known of the trials that shaped Jobs in his darker times.

DOT THIRTEEN: In January 2006, Disney (having rejected the chance to buy 50% of Pixar for $15 million ten years earlier) bought a transformed Pixar from Jobs for $7.4 billion in stock, making Jobs Disney’s largest individual shareholder and a billionaire for the third time.

To become a billionaire is already rare. To become a billionaire from scratch (or from $1 billion in losses) in three entirely different industries is unprecedented.

Jobs died today with a net worth of over $8 billion after having worked for $1 a year for the last 14 years.

Many people have heard his quote “Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me... Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful... that's what matters to me.”

What most don’t know was that this was from a quote in the Wall Street Journal in Summer 1993 – Not when he was sitting on a billion dollars, but in his darkest days, outcast from Apple and the Tech community, struggling with both NeXT and an aimless Pixar, and about to run out of money.

That was Steve.

This Is It.

2011-09-26T04:43:00.001-07:00

You.
meeting you was fate.
but being friend with you is my choice.
You.
of all the people, made me believe there's a person with a heart like gold.
yet, of all the people i have encountered,
stupid is a strong word.
I would say, you defined how an ignorant person is like.
everyone keeps telling me, to give up on you.
but no, I cant give up on you just yet.
I'm being as ignorant as you are.
I choose to believe, eventually you'll open your eyes to see my intention.
& choose what's best for yourself and not what others want you to do.
but no, you are just as ignorant as you always are.
trying to avoid confrontations.
lies after lies.
excuses after one another.
how long are you gonna live a life like that?
Today,
I've reached my limits.
I've played my role as a friend to you,
to help you beyond than that.
but what i see, you're a total pain in the ass.
you choose to live the hell's path.
be as ignorant as you always are,
i have no rights to tell you what to do with your choice of life.
you're gonna face the music sooner or later.
but i sincerely wished you happiness.
i have a life to live by
& i choose not to waste any more time on you
so you can now kiss our friendship goodbye.
i give up on you now.

Yours sincerely,
Suk Wai

time for a fresh layout in my bloggie.

2011-09-19T02:02:00.000-07:00

i wonder how long it takes for the queen of procrastinator to beautify this blog. that is. x)

The best

Sometimes life hits you hard. You have to go thru' obstacles, problems and face things that you hate the most. You are placed in situations which you wish the earth would suddenly open and swallow you right there and then.

But one thing I've learned and keep reminding myself is that... In whatever situations that you're in, you make the best out of it. Even if you stepped on shit or you're swimming in shit(pardon the language), you make the best out of it. I'm not sure how it can get better from shitty situations, but things will eventually get better. It's just the ones that are strong and have courage to go thru' the stormy seas and hurricanes, those are the ones that will survive and enjoy the rainbow at the end. Some don't make it, but for those who do make it, they come out stronger and ready for the next stormy weather.

If it pours, wear a raincoat, take out an umbrella. If the wind is blowing right in ur face, walk with your butt facing the other direction. LOL. get it? Life goes on. Make the best out of it. In every situation, there's always something good in it. You may not see it now, you will, eventually.

posted by Caryn Liew, Friday, September 2, 2011.

my heart sings a monotonous song

2011-09-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

rational tells me i should stop giving a shit about you.

but my heart confused me.

it makes me feel guilty for whatever shit i am doing to you.

but if i don't, i'm suffocating myself.

you make me feel worthless.

worthless of my time and advices being heard but not listened to.

as much as i respect your choice of life,

i hope you respect my feelings, as to why i do things i do.

stop running away like a child and start to pick up your responsibility as an adult.

stand firm to your decisions and stop trying to please everyone.

i'm sick of this pleasing game.

i have no issues with you, fyi.

it's your undecided-mind that i loathe.

on a different note..

few weeks back in my hometown is worthy.

i'm glad that i have finally woken up from dreamland and back to the harsh reality.

to get back on track to set my priority right again.

to know what is important and what should be excluded.
i picked up the tak-kisah attitude again for things that doesn't matter to me.
i dont wana be bothered anymore.
what matters to me?

studies will always be my priority.

i have families to whom their hopes are relied on my shoulders.

i have a CGPA to maintain or my scholarship will be taken back.

i can't afford to screw up again, or i'll not only disappoint myself but the people that i cared for.

most of all, i have every reasons to believe that i am capable of doing if i put my heart & soul into it.

i need support from friends. good friends i'm saying.

i need them not to judge me for things i do.

no question being asked, just trust would do.

i need friends to constantly push me to work even harder so i do not lost track again.

not all works and no play i am becoming.

but there is time for everything.

time to get serious.

& time to play.

the remaining two years left would be the critical point to decide which path one's will be heading towards; the successful or the failure path.

the choice is yours.

ps,

i am no perfection either.

hate me or love me.

but stop being so fake can?

i hate hypocrites.

get.a.life.pls

LOL

Reflection on What I Have Learned

2011-08-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't know how to appreciate it.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, & only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had & what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background & circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your perception towards others.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life.
I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned that nice people are often not good people & good people are often not nice people.
I've learned that never to trust anyone 100% because humans are not perfect and will never be, you can only be cautious.
I've learned that the best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
Sekian. LOL

For You.

2011-08-25T04:40:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my dearest, Ain Farra!
It’s your birthday time again;
It’s true; there’s no denying,
Another year has come and gone;
You know that I’m not lying. So for you, the birthday person,
Here’s what I want to say:

God gave a gift to the world when you were born;a person who loves, who cares,

who sees a person’s need and fills it,

who encourages and lifts people up,

who spends energy on others

rather than herself,

someone who touches each life she enters,

and makes a difference in the world.

I hope this 21st birthday’s the best one yet,

In every delightful way.

May the love you have shown to others

return to you, multiplied.

I wish you the happiest of birthdays,

and many, many more,

so that others have time to appreciate you as much as I do, although i do not say or show it to you often anymore.but you know i care for you.

deep inside, there's no one like you that impacted my life as much as you do.

you showed me what friendship is really about,

to care without expectations.

& thank you for holding on to this friendship despite how self-absorbed i was.thank you for everything you are to me.you are irreplaceable, please note that.

i love you from the bottom of my heart.So happy birthday to you.Have lots of birthday fun!May your birthday wishes all come true!

Hoping that your day will be as special as you are.

God bless you!

Best Wishes, Suk Wai ❤

back to the topic Trust, my friend recommended a really good post from Xiaxue

2011-08-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

the entire article in purple is taken from http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2011/06/trust.html .

LOL

Everytime that I'm with my friends without Mike being there, if I call him I often ask suspiciously where he is, what he is doing, and whether he is cheating on me.

And without fail anyone who overhears my conversation will be like "OMG how can you not trust your own husband?"

LOL. I don't. Why should I? Name me ONE upside to blindly trusting ANYBODY. And my attitude has nothing to do with Mike. I'd explain.

Just look at all those who have suffered from being cheated upon. What do they say?

They say things like...

"I can't believe he would do this to me."

"I can't believe he has been sleeping with her for 4 freaking months and I didn't even know! How was I so blind and stupid?"

"All those times he said he was on a company dinner there was no dinner! I believed him for 18 freaking times and he went prostituting ALL THOSE TIMES!"

and most commonly of all...

"I can't believe I trusted him."

And this doesn't just apply to cheating. What about all those girls with sex tapes leaked out by their ex boyfriends? You think they are stupid and they trusted the wrong dudes? That your partner will NEVERdo that to you? That you are the clever one? Wake up. I've seen the MOST unlikely men cheat.

Cecilia Cheung trusted Edison Chen to never show the close-up shots of her long-haired vagina to anyone. And there is it, on the net, forever. Sure he didn't mean to distribute it - but if she never trusted that he could safekeep it forever, this would never have happened to her.

So back to me and my attitude towards trust. It seems silly to me that people put so much heart into that little word. They say "He would never hurt me. I just know. I trust him. "

And I think... So what if you don't? Is it a bad thing, really? Is that supposed to be an insult on his character? Is he supposed to be ANGRY?

Nothing to be angry about what. Everyone needs to safeguard their self-interests.

You say you trust someone... To what extent do you do that? Do you give him your bank password? Would you let him do a video tour of your genitalia? Would you place him and Megan Fox on a deserted island with a condom? Probably not. Nobody trusts ANYBODY that much, unless they are completely naive.

As for me, I trust that Mike will never choose a banana over an orange. Because he hates bananas and these things don't change. I'm willing to put a $1,000 bet on it. But probably not my whole fortune.

I trust (not 100% but maybe 95%) that Mike will not, for example, see a girl at some event and go ask for her phone number. Because I know his character is shy and he is afraid someone might see him do this and report to me. But if he is drunk... Who knows?

Trust is such a funny thing. People always say it needs to be earned, needs to be built.

After some time of interacting with something, certain things can be depended on.

Like I trust that my blackberry will push my emails on time because it has never once failed to do it in 2 years. I trust that my McChicken will taste the same as it has always tasted.

Over the course of 5 years, never once has Mike flirted back with girls who show interest in him, whether online or in real life. Yet I don't trust that he would never cheat on me. Why?

1) People change. Today he is madly in love with you. Tomorrow he is bored. The next day he is bored AND drunk. Day after that he is bored, drunk, horny and had a fight with you. Who knows? The only thing you can depend on is... People change with time. Even if their personalities remain identical, their feelings towards you might change.

2) Circumstances change. Sure, in these 5 years Mike has never met a girl he liked so much he is willing to give up everything with me. Tomorrow... Who knows? If he meets and gets to know 1,000,000 girls, there has got to one he finds is better than me, no matter how much he loves me. Right?

3) Consequences are bigger. And this is the best reason not to trust that your partner will not stray. CONSEQUENCES. It is my fucking heart at stake here! And my marriage! It is easy to trust when the consequences are small. I pay $2 to my usual chicken rice stall because I trust it will be yummy as always. Not yummy no big deal, I'd buy from another stall - net loss $2 and some time.

But if I believe Mike will never stray, when he does, I'm gonna be fucked.

You are shaking your head, thinking, "You dumb blonde, even if you don't trust, either way you are fucked. If it happens it happens!"

You are wrong. Sure, I'd still be heartbroken. But wait...

Prevention is better than cure

I know I've mentioned this many times.

When you remain vigilant about your partners actions, you are working hard to PREVENT him from committing a mistake. He knows you are checking his phone - there goes flirty smses. He knows you have all his passwords - can't woo girls online.

If you know where he is every minute, he can't go to a hotel without arousing your suspicion. Sure he can work his way around all these but it is hard work. That's another deterrent. If he is willing to do all that to cheat, so be it. But I sure won't make it easy for him.

He wants to go to a dirty KTV bar with his gross colleague. He swears he won't do anything with the girls there. Put your foot down and don't allow! You want to trust he won't get a hooker or prevent him from meeting one? Which has worse consequences? Explain to him why it makes you uncomfortable, then placate him with a blowjob.

And if you find out some chick is mildly interested, you confront her, shame her, threaten her. You puff up your feathers and make sure she knows you will not go in peace. Worse come to worst you be nice to her so she gets so guilty she stops her nonsense.

When you are so suspicious, won't it piss him off?

If he has nothing to hide, he would not get angry. Obviously I don't do my routine checking in an awful way. I just log in to his fb, take up his phone to read when he is sleeping. He doesn't even know. If your man gets annoyed, it is the first sign that he IS possibly cheating on you. Maybe not full out cheating, but flirting, yes. Or that he wants to be able to. He is probably hiding something. Am I paranoid? Maybe. But from personal dating experience, those demanding privacy and space are the exact ones who are cheating.

Mike has never once got angry with me when I checked his phone or facebook. "Go ahead," he says. "You are just wasting your time." And he is right, I was. And he reads my shit too, in case you think this only goes one way.

Cheating is just like cancer - you want to win it, you've got to find out early. Half the battle is won when you kill the sapling before it turns into a full grown weed, throttling your relationship.

If he is just at the "getting to know" stage with some girl - you find out, you have a talk with him to resolve things. Make sure he won't see her again. You want to wait till he is in love? Too late.

If he is already sleeping with someone else, when you find out you can plan your next step. If you are married, you can hire a PI - submit evidence to court and get half his fortune. Cease sleeping with him in case you get some disease. Cut off his penis. Or forgive him, depending on the severity of his crime.

Why, do you want to wait till he had an affair for months and impregnated the slut before you say "OMGWTFBBQ KILL ME NOW MY KID HAS A STEP SIBLING AND I HAVE AIDS"?

Some of you might be saying... Why work so hard to prevent that seems unavoidable? If he cheats, he won't be worth it anyway.

Rubbish. ALL men would cheat if there are no consequences. I sincerely believe that. Some don't because they don't wanna hurt us. Some because they are scared of losing us. Some because of kids, social ramifications, anything.

Most commonly of all, men cheat because they made a mistake, thinking with their penis, enjoying the attention - THINKING THEY WON'T BE CAUGHT.

And when you blindly trust, that's when they are most certain they will never get caught.

Every few days I remind Mike how his life will be like if he is dumb enough to cheat. And I WILL find out. Money be gone/he will never find someone as good as me again/penis cut etc. Just in case he forgets.

I'm sure a lot of you don't agree with my school of thought, saying, "You must be all sad, paranoid and worrisome all the time. That's not how love is supposed to be like. I pity Mike."

LOL duncha worry. Mike and I are happy and in love.

Obviously I *do* trust him because he is a good man with principles. But just not enough to 1) fully believe he will NEVER cheat and 2) not do my best to try to prevent it from happening.

If the day comes and he strays, I'd say "Oh well at least I tried my best. And at least I was not duped for ages."

What do you think? Do you trust your partner?

Those of you who got cheated on, did you trust your partner? Do you still trust now?
-------------------------------------------
Trust is a big question mark here.
some would agree while some would think otherwise.
as i read this post, i couldn't agree more.
however it is always easier said than done, no?
i don't know how about others,
but my definition of trust would be a lil' dumb to others.
i don't usually trust guy, but when i do i'm almost certain i would give my all even though it'll never be 100%.
trusting a person is like opening your heart to others and giving them the chance to hurt you.
the vulnerable you.
it's about taking risks and taking chances.
but if you don't, you'll never experience love.
whenever choices are being made, no question being asked.
i'll always follow my heart.
i trust where my instincts lead me, & yes you might say i never use my brain to think.
i do think about it, but there are certain things in life where there's no such thing as sound judgment would be the wisest of all or as such.
there's no such thing as right or wrong decision.
wrong can be made right, as long as you know that's the right thing to do despite whatever others tellings you not to.
at the end of the day, you are answerable to yourself and not others.
the decision made will affect your life and not others.
as long as you don't live with regrets, wrong decision in other's eyes can be a right one for yourself.
& in my 21 years of being a human, there's only 1 man i trust with my all although not 100% but i trust him. & no, that man is not my father. i don't trust my own biological father.
& yes, i'm taking the risk. no more playing safe & no more following the rules.
i was brought up with the background where no man is ever loyal nor can a man ever be trusted,
but i've chosen my path.
i choose to know who's worth the pain.
i don't know if i'll ever get back up if things go wrong between us in the future.
i'm not certain myself.
but i choose to trust him.
i'll only follow where my heart leads me to.
sometimes i do made the wrong choice and regret about it,
but to look back & constantly living in regrets is really not cool.
life goes on.
what a person can do is to change his perception.
look at the brighter side of misfortunes that happened
& slowly, before you know it.
the truth unfolding itself before your very own eyes.
there's always cause and effect to why things happened.

my perfect two weeks in ipoh

2011-08-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

my perfect day would be to spend time with my loved ones,

laughing at the slightest things of life,

basically doing nothing.

i am the master of bel far niente, after all. ;D

the entire two weeks, i felt so calm and relaxed despite the fact that i was cut off from the internet world.

my holidays was perfect to the core.

and i can't wait to be home again.

however, there's two things i need to put in more efforts to change for the betterment of myself.

respect. and. patience.

i need to learn to be more patience with my nagging mum and to respect her as a mother to me.

sometimes, child like me can't help but to answer back rudely.

i'm an arsehole, seriously.

another thing, i have to get rid of procrastination cells in my body & replacing it with positive attitudes.

determination and i need to have a well-planned schedule for my study. no more studying last minute already.

thank you angry bird, for being such a mad bird to trigger the fire within me to fight against you, to prove to you with my results for this new semester. i'll show it to you & yes, i need to work on my fear against you too!

racing with time

2011-08-08T20:05:00.000-07:00

ahoy there!
i have only less than 30 minutes before boarding the bus back to home sweet home
& alot of things' been going through my mind like crazy.
just cant wait to pour it out & share with you guys.

kindness.
do you know a small act of kindness could make a huge difference in someone's life?
by holding your tongue before allowing these flow of thoughts to escape through your mouth, does impact/ affect someone's day.
by choosing to speak only the goddess of others and not hurting one another with mean words.
by being kind to one another, helping each other and showing concerns could just lighten up somebody's day. do you know that?
uncle van called me up early in the morning to tell me he bought cake for me to bring back hometown.
the girl i've loathed to see her face took the initiative to talk to me, just three words.
but it made my day & changed my perception, slightly. but i still don't like seeing her face thou. HAHA.
it's strange how an act of kindness touches a person's heart, ain't it?

maybe i'll continue some other day when i remember more details of what i am about to write on trust.

gtg.

bla bla bla

2011-08-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

i don't know how much brain cells have been damaged.
my heart beating like an SOS drum non stop.
so much drama in two weeks
and imma sum it up in two words, eye-opening experience.
first was with someone's close to me went missing without noticed. couldn't reach. no news nothing.
that was my first heart attack.
then the same night, first time seeing this friend of mine cried a river.
it breaks my heart knowing the least i could do is to give her a big hug and that's all. the problem remains unsolved.
the same night again, another friend of mine decided to go MIA in the wee hours.
that was my second heart attack.
& i noticed clubbing is not and will never be my thing.
this will be my first and last time.
i hate this place, but seeing the birthday girls having the time of their lives, it paid off.
i actually have to thank them for giving me the chance to open up my eyes to the real world outside.
the place i have always been so reluctant to go because i was afraid.

tonight i have seen things i have never seen before,

& it opens up my eyes, my mind and most importantly my heart to the people i thought i knew..

never judge a book by its cover.

that's all i could say.

it's not as kind as i thought the life out there was.
scary world out there i would say & i'm glad i reached home safe & sound.
also, i've noticed good and bad sides of homosapiens.
homosapiens who really cares
and homosapiens who only take advantage of you.
of all my life confronting my friends,
never have i encountered such a dramatic; near to death experience. i was doomed. totally.
this is my third time getting heart attack of the semester.
however, if you ask me if i had a good time? my answer would be a definite YESSSSSSS, it was a crazy but fun ride yo! ;D
this sums up my first year of degree.
now my holiday begins and i cant wait to be back, to the place i belong.
still have some packings to do & goddddddd, i'm starving now already.
good day everyone!
hope everyone is in good health, sound mind and etc la.
god bless.
pls take care of the people i cared for. shower them with positive thoughts in mind & carpe diem!

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.
- Grandma Moses

Life is too short to wake up in the mornings with regrets. So love the ones who treat you right, forget the ones who don’t. Remember that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it, if it changes your life, then let it. No one said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

ciao!

i need a dr.

2011-07-30T10:02:00.001-07:00

dear dr.
may you suggest me a better way to get rid of all these unnecessary thoughts in mind?
positivity is contagious.
so does the opposite- negativity is indeed contagious too.
no matter how hard i try to remain happy & to touch the lives of the others,
but somehow or rather, it's the other way round.
i don't know how it happened,
but my heart doesn't feel right.
i wished i could do more as an individual to touch the lives of the people i cared for.
but if that is so, why does my heart struggling kao kao with my mind?
slowly it affects me to fall into the self-pity trap yet again.
i feel lonely again in the sea of people- people whom i call friends.
it feels like day one again, when i tried my every best to fit in with the new clique of friends.
yet no matter how hard i tried, i always feel this place is not where i can fit in perfectly.

i don't wanna be so busy body invading other people's life when i can't even take care of my own yet.

so dear God, please take away the sense of empathy from me.

when You blessed me with too much of it, somehow it has become a burden to me.

i miss the place called home.
i miss being the person i used to be.
not having to mind so much of every words that has been uttered has a tendency of hurting others.
& knowing everything i do will be judged by others.
i longed to be in the arms of my loved ones.
where i can just be myself singing my heart outs.
& to be loved the same no matter who i have become.
i need a lot of strength to get back up & to make everyday counts.
goodnight, everyone.
tomorrow will be a better day.
ka chiiiing ;D

I'm in love with this song all over again!

2011-07-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

Grandma Post, Rest Assured

2011-07-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

i don't know if the time is chasing after me or otherwise.
Mr July is killing me bits by bits.
time is ticking so s-l-o-w-l-y.
mygwad.
but on a second note,
assignments and exams are nearing but i have so little time left to prepare anything yet.

anyway, here's something i would really like to share with you readers in regards to my recent execution day in the Cafe. it was mind blowing & i swear it is through this experience, i had gained so much. it opened up my mind to see things in a different perspectives.

we're given the theme Fashion to incorporate with Malaysian Cuisines as part of our group project.
so we came up with 1 Malaysia concept & the rest is history.
from planning, to organizing, to execution.
wow, we had a really tough times.
there was a period i got so stressed and frustrated cos my opinions contrast with my group members.
it was a tough trying time, really.
no matter how hard i tried to convince them it was a wrong verdict, nobody would listen to me.
but the truth slowly spoken for itself & we had to keep modifying our proposal.
but through this trials & errors, i've noticed my two biggest weaknesses.

communication & confidence in myself.

i failed to convey my message & to communicate well with them.
patience is what i need to learn.
i doubt my own opinions & too often than not, changed my decisions based on what others say/ think.
i should have trusted in myself & stand firm to what i believe in, cos if i don't.
how could i convince others to trust in me?

here come's the day we've been waiting for.
15/7/2011, Friday.
heavy rains early in the morning.
i broke the eyeliner & tore my pants.
the private room suppose to be opened up for our operation day, but Mr Ikram decided to use it anyway.
so we had no choice but to cram all tables in the cafe like sandwiches.
in addition to that, cutleries were missing.
the day before our execution day, we counted & we have had more than sufficient cutleries to run the operation, but on Friday itself, all of them decided to go MIA.
good thing, we hid some of the cutleries in the cabinet.
ran here and there asked for cafe's cutleries & ended up no choice, but to borrow from Sampling's.
everything was in a mess.
i was worried sick.
only god knows how much i prayed for everything to fall into place to ensure a smooth operation.
i know we can't afford to screw up this whole event cos if we really did, i'll be the main reason behind it.
the burden i had to carry on my shoulder almost drown me.
behind my big smiles, only god knows how afraid i was.

anyway, to make long story short.
we aimed for RM3k sales.
Mr Ikram bet RM10 to motivate us to reach RM2.5k revenues.
well, guess what.
we won the bet yet again,
but we couldn't reach the target sales.
even if we did reach, i wouldn't be too proud of it,
cos i knew i could have done a better job than this.
now to reflect on it again, i still have so much to learn & there's always room for improvements i believe.
everything was so last minute & i wasn't fully geared for this big day.
i forgotten to brief my team on so many freaking details.
but the only thing that really upset me was the fact we couldn't serve friends that has made a guaranteed reservation & had already bought tickets from us.
we have to turn down roughly about 20 guests & i felt so guilty for i was the one persuaded them to come and support us, but it turned out to be this ugly.
no more assumptions next time.
i should have checked with the kitchen prior to our operation & communicate with them beforehand, but i assumed everything was according to what i planned.
the consequences?
i made a fool out of myself & had to disappoint so many guests.
there's not enough main course to be served.
everyone was complaining & i had to split myself into pieces to multitask.
Berjaya Immersion Methadology.
it did work on me & i'm glad i had such an eye opening experience.
it's something i would always reflect on again and again.
despite all that, i would really wanna thank the service team for putting such a tremendous good job & without them, this event wouldn't even be near to success.
i couldn't believe i have gone this far in life doing things i wouldn't have thought i could have done.
it's been a crazy ride, really.

these are our masterpieces & i'm telling you, i'm so proud of our final products. it's so near to perfection in my eyes.

this concludes my day. goodnight!
angry bird's presentationssssss tomorrow!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
cant wait for weekends to arrive & i'll be free like a bird! LOL

my stupidity will only caused me pain

2011-06-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

i'm one genuine arsehole.
everytime i said i'll learn from my mistakes.
yes, i did.
but that was not something i embedded into my tiny brain cells and to always be cautious so i dont make the same mistake twice.
i often forgot.

chan suk wai, stop being so dung dung boleh ka?
i dont wana feel self-pity anymore.

maybe it's not my time to shine yet.
and maybe it's not the right time where my voice should be heard.
persistence and perseverance will bring a person far in life.
standing firm to my own's belief will eventually draw confidence from people.
perseverance will ensure i'll be the brightest star when it is the time of my life.

a leader who does not have a strong leadership skills is what i loathe most.

;'(

2011-06-26T08:40:00.000-07:00

something is missing.
i feel empty for no reasons.
dig deeper and i found the answer, i guess.
the reason for this emptiness.
but then again, it's time to be a grown up isn't it?
i dont wanna sound so pathetic anymore.
i cant always want life to go according to my plan.
it is these uncertainties that i have to go through no matter how difficult it seems to be.
mind over matter.
i need positive vibes to help me go through this phase!

Dear Readers.

2011-06-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

it feels good to be back here again.
having my fingers dancing on the keyboard, typing.

i really had fun.
pictionary was the coolest game i had ever had.
we shall play that again during our langkawi trip.

in less than two months time, i'm gonna bid farewell to first year soon.
remembering beginning of the semester, i was freaking myself out thinking how am i ever gonna survive through this entire Semester, but look at me now.. still surviving and getting better in fact.
most of the assignments are half way
executions in less than a month time.
angry bird's practical exams starting soon.
putting aside college and exams, i have so much to look forward to.
Melaka trip celebrating Connie's birthday.
our Langkawi trip in December.
fingers crossed, they're so gonna be a blast !

on the flip side..

men, are difficult to be understood.

& so are women.

blame the men for being so insensitive & on the women for being so superb duper sensitive. the conclusion? men are from mars, women from venus.

there must be a give-and-take in a relationship otherwise it'll never last.

i speak from experience. ;)

2011-05-25T11:05:00.000-07:00

i wished you knew.
i wished i could lower my expectations.
so there's no more heartbreaks, no more disappointments.
hate that i'm being such a drama queen.
hate that i never learnt to appreciate what i already have
& always demanding for more and more.
damn, i'm such a drama queen. ;p

i am blessed

2011-05-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

not a day spent without me saying how blessed i am, really.
despite the fact that, i do complain most of the time.
recently, i found out a friend of mine; who has a big heart that touched me.
leaving me clueless, thinking. wow, such a good person really does exist eh?
i found someone i really look up to and respect.
for his selfless acts & his ways of defining who he truly is.
have much respect for this man
& i am truly blessed to have him as my role model
to learn and to grow as a person.

i need to blog

2011-05-09T08:00:00.000-07:00

i find it so hard to express myself fully since this is a public blog.
now that it's privatized..
here's the thing i would like to rant over and over again.
i don't know how many times had i remind myself to hold my tongues,
in fact i had already lost count on how many times had i made the same mistake over and over again.
i guess it's me; i tend to over exaggerate or thinking too much,
but it is something i can't avoid.
whatever they said, the way they look at me; stabs me right in the heart..
i feel so ashamed. like a fool.
i should just shut the fuck up really.
sukwai, pls be strong.
mind your own business & stop minding theirs.
do you think they care? the answer is obvious NO.
whatever dramas they wana create, whoever they wana backstab or gossip; just close your ears pls.
i have had enough of all this already.
spacing myself is not a good idea, but guess i'm really better off without anyone.
i'm a loner in this place & acceptance is what i gotta learn.
concentrate on better things pls.
study hard suk wai,
stop procrastinating.

heavy hearted

2011-05-01T09:19:00.000-07:00

this time i don't wanna go back for real.
wana stay in ipoh longer & spend more time with people that matters.
a friend of mine once told me "no matter how hard you try to blend in, if you cant mix with them, means you can't"
really, there's no need for me to try any harder anymore isn't it?
i feel weak most of the time.
& i'm prompt to thinking how useless i am at times,
thinking whatever i do or say, is of no use.
people don't listen nor do they appreciate my effort either.
because i failed being a person.
to think as a person & to act like one.
i wana be home! ;'(



2011-04-28T10:31:00.001-07:00

Dear God, thank you for sending my sister to me tonight. My perspective of life has been getting narrower each passing day, knowing the fact I have difficulties in sharing my feelings with people, that slowly I'm falling into self pity trap yet again. Thank You for lifting me up by sending an angel by my side to open up my mind & to allow only positive energy remains in my mind. I sincerely feel blessed.
Let's start all over again & begins with a big smile all day long. :D
I'll keep you updated if I manage to stay positive despite whatever that may happen later. Good day!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Stairway to heaven

new philosophy.

2011-04-26T08:09:00.000-07:00

familiar with these phrases?
"silence is golden"
"less talk, less mistake"

it applies to me now.
because i come to realize,
the more you talk, the more mistakes you make.
& obviously to offend people with every word that so unfortunate, does not happen to cross one's tiny braincells before coming out from one's lips.
to make long story short,
words spoken without intelligence will be known as NOISE.

under such circumstances, it is then wise not to utter words that may be too painful to the ear of the listener.

guess i'm better off; minding my own business & not bothered anymore.

another weaknesses i've to work on is my temper.
somebody call 911 pls?

my current obsession ;D

2011-04-23T23:37:00.000-07:00

she's second in line after Lady Gaga!

loveee her video. couldn't stop smiling. ka chiing

credits to my housemates to have this song on replay every single day, somehow or rather; i'm totally head over heels with this song.
p/s: i'd prefer Sam Tsui over Christina Perri thou ;p

Just saying

2011-04-23T09:58:00.001-07:00

You know where you stand when your other half is not willing to put aside everything just for you, no matter how irrelevant you are. Not even his favorite games he is willing to sacrifice, to pay a little attention close to your needs. Look further & this reflects who your other half truly is.

God bless.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Heaven

Good Day!

2011-04-21T08:19:00.000-07:00

i am 100% certain now, hospitality industry is what i really wanted to do.

reasons being made simple.

you & i, just like everybody else, demand for only the best when comes to customer service.
we notice good customer service when the service staff goes beyond the call of duty to make their customer's experience an enjoyable one. while the bad customer service will make you cursed like nobody's business.

this is so true.

it happened to myself countless times.

here's the scenario.
i wanted to buy a jacket, but unfortunately the size i wanted was out of stock. so this staff got my number & promised to get back to me asap. today, i visited the shop to enquire again. he apologized saying already sold out in all kl's outlets. i sighed & told him should have bought the jacket when i saw in queensbay. he then told me, "give me two days & i promised to try my best to get what you wanted by all means" & so i hesitated & told him too much of a trouble, forget it la kan. but then he smiled to me & said "i know you really wanted this, not a problem at all". awwwww!

another scenario, i had had a really nasty dining experience when the staffs were being so ignorant, or in another word, plain stupid. i got so upset, i told myself; if i were to be in his role, i could've done so much better. so much that it got me thinking, customers dont deserved to be treated this way. all they really wanted, is a good customer service & they'll walk away as a happy customer. difficult to do that? not at all

see the difference? a staff goes beyond the extra mile to make more effort than is expected of you in comparison of the latter scenario.

the results? one walked away as a happy customer, while the other one's walked away as an upset customer & swear to never come back.

drama. haha

there's always two sides to every story..

2011-04-20T08:53:00.000-07:00

& this is my story..

to make a long story short,

recently, my life had been yet another rollercoaster ride.

last week was pure bad lucks. a string of bad luck after another, like a back-to-back tragedies

this week, i started seeing lights & lucks' all by my side.

to be continued...

zzz

B A D A B O O M

2011-03-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

i had a great weekends spent at home.
Ah, dolce far niente!
oh, before i proceed further.
meet my first ever best friend, Bella!

It was a worthy trip back to Ipoh.
we went all the way to Subang to get the
Japanese Pudding from RT Pastry House.

what more can i say?

perfect moment with perfect companion.

& i spell p e r f e c t o

pretty isn't it? hehe

hey!

2011-03-22T10:38:00.001-07:00

Sapa, that lil' mountainous town of Vietnam!
you know what happened?
go find out if you don't.
the Supermoon rare phenomenon recently
http://scienceray.com/astronomy/the-blue-moon-phenomenon-that-is-happening-now/
along with the megathrust earthquake that hit Japan,
left us clueless with what He has planned for us, no?
frightens me a lil' to ponder, the what ifs
quoted the entire excerpt from Caryn's blog ;D ;D

Life is just too short to be taken for granted. How am I gonna live my life differently?What can I do that makes my life worthwhile? Knowing that I've wasted so much time doing things of no value. Time that cannot be replaced. Have you thought about it? What if you die tomorrow? Or wake up bed-ridden due to some unplanned accident. Makes you think of whether the things you do each day are really worth it or even worth doing. Ask yourself, before you start the day, if today was my last day on earth, would i be doing what I'm about to do today?

i miss us.

2011-03-22T10:11:00.001-07:00

2003

2005

hui min sent me a message in facebook and asked me out.

we met in midvalley today.

i was so excited to meet her because i thought she had forgotten me.

we'd lost contact for almost 5 years already.

just a random hi and bye.

that's it.

i was nervous because i thought it'll be different this time.

you know, to re-connect with your old friends whom you barely talk to for years.

the best mirror is always an ol'friend.

the minute i saw her from afar,

i ran towards her & we hugged.

no hesitation or whatsoever.

bonded just like that.
we talked. we laughed. we smacked each other & it was epic.

reminisced alot about our silly past.

with bella. indeh. & jo.

but one of the many things we talked about,

a mistake i'm still regretting,

for calling my best friend a bitch

& judging her for the person she has become,

when all i really should have done,

if i'm a true friend;

is to accept her for the way she is

& being a supportive friend.

all i really wished right now,

5 years, 10 years or even 20 years down the road;

we could gather together & had fun like we used to.

friends forever.

& so they said.
ps: & have another complete picture of us taken ;)

:S

2011-03-21T04:57:00.000-07:00

hello.
i'm sorry but i'm afraid you will have to read another emo post from me again.
the hormones have been doing their job; making my mood swings up & down.

this week itself i've broken down thrice & it's only Monday for god's sake.
i failed miserably.
too often i hear them say;

you never know what you have until its gone

but sometimes they do,

they just thought they'd never lose it

i have had lost someone precious to me once.
& miracle did happen to me once.
i got back what was once so dear to my heart,
but i took it for granted & treated it like a trash.
now i'm on the verge of losing it once more,
& this time that'll be forever..

i need to pause for a moment.
tears streaming down my face again.
damn, im so weak.
fml

a funky day turned out to be a funny one

2011-03-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

i started off my day with anxieties accumulated in my body.
misplaced my exams docket & ended up late for exams.
no time for prayers.
flipped through the questions,
super duper difficult.
fingers crossed.

on a very unrelated note,
i get confused.
yet to determine who's what and who's not.

back to the title of my post,
here's a very funny conversation with Patrick aka he claimed himself as a GeNiUsTan.

Me: hey since u so free, let me ask u a simple question to prove whether youre a real genius anot. is CHICKEN a male or a female?
Pat: Chicken is a female la of coz. Hoho
Me: Haha. so confident punya. u sure with ur answer? ask ur frens c.
Pat: no need to ask. it's a very general knowledge la. chicken is a female!
Me: ok. now let me ask you, is human a male or a female?
Pat: it's neither female or male. human is homosapien. lol
Me: ok. so what makes you say chicken is a female then? gotcha! lol
Pat: chicken is female cos male is called rooster or also known as cockerel. lol. got urself! :-p
Me: how bout hen then? got you back! haha
Pat: hen also another name for male la. that's why i said got lotsa callings. depends on area. some ppl call diff way. :-p
Me: amma. your general knowledge sengeted punya. mother never teach u hen is a male chicken la. it's a female!
Pat: haha. very funny. i'm not working in food industry. there's no need for me to be so specific anyway. :-p
Me: haha. funny la you babe. x mau kalah punya. lol
Pat: haha. yeah yeah. very funny. i said got many callings wert. so i din lose also. hoho
Me: check your dictionary pls. mau argue plak =.=
Pat: ok. i lose this time. haha

see, this is what happened when you have a very strong headed bf.
he talks about logics and reasonings all the time,
but this time i got my facts right,
so it turns up to be very entertaining for me to see how he brings his reasonings to argue with a fact =p

2011-03-11T22:11:00.000-08:00

someone told me long ago
there's a calm before the storm,
i know
it's been coming for some time.

tons of dead sardines clogged the California marina.
whatever that is happening in Libya now,
the ILI outbreak in Pulapol
& now, tsunami cum earthquake is taking its toll on Japan, hitting Hawaii, Indonesia, Philippines and etc..

when it's over, so they say,
it'll rain a sunny day,
i know,
shining down like water.
another stronger tsunami, perhaps
with the help of its good friend, Hurricane Katrina
gonna swept the entire human folks into the black hole.
(myth-metaphor)

it's only the beginning of the Year 2011,

isn't 2012 yet,

now i'm afraid to know what the future holds for us.

no certainties.

when everybody else in the world is doing their mundane routines,

complaining this & that,

the other part of the world is running for their lives

wishing if they could have the chance to live for another day.

take this as a wake-up call.

starts to look at the people around you,

people that matters to you.

have you taken them for granted?

will you still wanna chase after unnecessary things?

if you were to know,

things could change overnight.

like what's happening to the world now.

at anytime of the day, anywhere of the world, anything could happen.

bad lucks pick no one.

it just happened.

sometimes there's no next time, no second chance, no time out.

it is now or never.

as lame as i could be,

i don't feel like striving for what i'm currently doing anymore.

just wanna be home with my family & friends.

i feel like going home.

this place, feels so strange to me.

up to now, i couldn't adapt myself 100% yet

not even 70% close.

sighs

i'm a B-rated friend,

i don't know how to entertain you

or to be a sweet loving friend.

i don't know what's the right words to use,

cos too often, i got on everyone's nerves before i realize.

fail big time.

so random.

LOL =.=

random thoughts

2011-03-10T09:02:00.001-08:00

sometimes i cant stop to ponder,
life's really a bitch, no?
it's never fair especially in the game of love.
but this game is not something that can be measured,
how much i have sacrificed for you & how much i have to receive in return,
to make it equals.
it's a selfless act.
give without expecting anything in return.
but then again,
i can't help but to feel a slight disappointment in me.
why when you are my priority, everything i am ever willing to give up for you;
but only to realize i'm your second best?
that you rather allow your conscious mind to take over your heart?
stop feeding me with logics, cos it ain't gonna work on me.

i don't know what the other women out there have in mind,
but for me, i'd rather have a sweet loving bf/husband/or whatever-that-is,
to put me first before everything else.
not chasing after wealth, fame, career or etc..
the only thing i ever asked of,
is to be loved whole heartedly by the man i love,
no more space for other bullshits.
it's not about buying expensive gifts that makes me happy, it's the efforts put in that count
it's not about collecting a lump sum of time to make it for the time missed being together,
but every second, every minute of it that matters.
stop putting up excuses saying you're tied up with this & that; or you have no time at all, when all i really want is just some quality time together.
is it really too much or just me being too demanding?
i try not to be too sensitive about every lil' thing, but to try to understand the situation you're put into & suck up whatever unnecessary emotions that i am not supposed to reveal,
but one day i'm gonna burst because you know how much i hate bottling up everything without given the chance to express myself.
maybe one day you'll watch me leave because after all, you'll realize you have had enough of all this bullshit tolerating with me.
& maybe one day i'll not be afraid to be myself anymore, the person i used to be.
a heart makes of rock.
all i really want is to be myself,
doing what i like best,
having the chance to express what i really want.
life's never perfect.
life's a BITCH!
but if you ask me, how would i rate my life right now?
my answer is simple, i am happy with what i have at the moment, only that there's too much of emotions in me waiting to spill out.
no one's born a perfectionist.
so don't judge me.
HAHA

Letters to Juliet

2011-03-06T02:52:00.001-08:00

Dear Claire,

What & If,

are two words as non threatening as words can be.

But put them together, side by side,

& they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.

What If?

I don't know how your story ended,

but if what you felt then was true love,

then it's never too late.

If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now?

You need only the courage to follow your heart.

I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like,

a love to leave loved ones for,

a love to cross oceans for,

but I'd like to believe,

if I ever were to feel it,

that I'd have the courage to seize it.

& Claire,

if you didn't

I hope one day that you will.

All My Love,

Juliet

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

2011-03-05T02:46:00.000-08:00

uploading videos & pictures pissed me off enough to stop me from blogging!

=____________="

woot woot!

2011-02-27T07:53:00.001-08:00

hello readers! hows life been treating each & everyone of you?
suddenly i have so much positive energy in me waiting to burst out,
so well.. let me started this post with a good note on my progress so far yeah? *winks winks

the past one week had been a crazy ride..
resembling a roller coaster ride;
one moment you're up screaming for excitement,
heart beating like an 808 drum,
the other you're down the deepest valley,
feel like giving up & just wana get yourself outta this crazy ride
cos your heart can't take it no more.
so dramatic kan?
life's full with all kind of shits happening.

this rabbit year has been great so far.
the month of romance is ending tomorrow.
tsk tsk

oh yeah, have i not tell you how i celebrated my 21st birthday this year?
wow, that was an unforgettable moment i swear i'll never ask for a better one.
my friends had a surprise birthday celebration by spraying the dont-know-whats-it-called, which was really cool! that was a really crazy night & you had no idea how much i appreciated that.
then it was celebrated with my family eating steamboat, a simple one but i was surrounded with people closest to my heart..
i even had my best friend, to sing me a birthday song before it strikes 12am. how cute kan?
& on my way back to kl, I met Bye! After so many years, I bumped into her riding the same bus on my birthday! But it wasn't a good one cos aircond was down, tyres punctured & it took us almost 4hrs to reach! But despite all these unfortunate events that took place, we had a great time catching up with each other which was a precious moment for me. Hehe
(for the time being, i'
ll leave this post undecorated, once i got all the pictures; will have ém uploaded alright?)

being 21 is the best thing i ever asked of, cos helloooo i'm at my legal age already! ;D
although it can be my worst nightmare too..
being called an aunty, seeing everybody complimented me by saying 'suk wai, you look so much more mature compared to last time" which in another words, i'm aging. did i just mention the word AGING? ahhhh.. shit.. that's every woman's worst enemy.
oh well, but on a brighter note;
imma say, although my brain still doesn't seem to work properly the way my attitude should reveal 'bout my age,
but there's an enormous improvement in myself, absolutely without doubt.
cos for once, i see myself growing up to be a more understanding person i used to be, not.
wanting everything exactly how i wanted it to be, which is a big no-no now.
that's not self-praise, but i deserved to be complimented on my improvement wokey? wakakkaka
haha. too much of bullshits already.
let me end this post with my obsessions at the moment
worth listening to,

anticipating for Lady Gaga's music video
but not so much on Britney

rather listen to the song instead of the video =p =p

p/s: just a random thought.
Nek, hold on to your dream til the very end & don't ever give up woot
& Patrick, i miss you la. ahaha

2011-02-20T08:00:00.001-08:00

one minute left before my night ended.
happy birthday to myself! ;D

Desperado.

2011-01-21T08:20:00.000-08:00

what breaks me is not because i acted like a bitch,
but the fact that i have no one to talk to, to be trusted and to be listened to.
i have so much in mind but i just don't know who to talk to.
many claims to be my number one listener, but were you really the one?
i had such a time, where tears already waiting to burst out.
but when i really did try to loosen myself, somehow it got stuck somewhere in my throat.
i dont care if nobody ever likes me, nobody pays attention to me.
but you, being the special one. supposed to be the special one, where the hell are you when i really needed you?
i can tolerate with you when you said you have no time for me, because it's understandable.
i still can take it even if there's no sweet lovey message just to wish me goodnight.
but i can't take it when you can't even be with me when i feel like shit.

whatever that is, i don't wana let anyone be my reason to feel upset or to be hurt anymore.
from this moment onwards, it's gonna be me before others & not the other way round.
i'm still gonna be me whether you love me or hate me,
i don't wana be the good person anymore. so if you don't like me, just leave!
cos i just get so tired of this pleasing game where i tried every possible ways to make sure other people's needs are being attended to before myself, but i think that's enough really.
i felt being treated like crap. like a trash where they used you & throw you away.

i'll make sure i score well in my studies & nothing else shall come before my studies for the time being. i wana be the reason my mum shed her tears saying she's so proud of what i have achieved and yet to achieve in life.

setbacks build me up somehow.

dear diary,
thank you, really.
i feel so much better now.
xoxo

لسّلام عليكم (peace be upon you)

2011-01-09T02:17:00.000-08:00

Hola back!

looking back at the year 2010, http://sukwai.blogspot.com/2010/01/dum-spiro-spero.html
my resolutions had been a success except for one which i did not achieve.. will bring forward to this year though =p

so here's the brand new list of new year resolutions i wished to accomplish before the year ends. *showing rabbit's teeth.

#1. Getting rid of the lazy hormones- Procrastination

procrastinate only leads to hell. but i pledge not to get rid of this habit completely, but to try to lessen it. heh heh

#2. To Get Myself O'ganized

im infamous for being so very the careless, messy or whatever you wana call it.. but if i managed to achieve my #1 resolutions, this wouldn't be a problem, no? great start already, just keep up with the good work! oosh

#3 Be the opposite of Spendthrift, they called it the miser-? with a "y" at the back of it which spells complete MISERY

im working on it already alright? the aim for this year is to save at least RM500 in the bank. yes! pray hard that during the process of saving more money, i do not break my piggy bank for emergencies use. ;D

#4. Read More Books

i have few novels pending & shouting for my attention. too busy at the moment being a procrastinator but i pledge to change. to spend more time on quality readings than staring at the blank screen thinking what to do next. LOL. speaking of which, Twenties Girl has been my wish-list since last year, but i know i'll be laying my hands on you sooner!

wishing the entire human folks have a blessed year ahead!

& specially dedicated to my friends, my o'frens, where art thou? keep in touch!

2011-01-09T00:51:00.000-08:00

on a Sunday evening, my only task at hand is to kill every ants that came across my vision.
i've had killed at least hundreds of these tiny bits for the past hours.
such a meanie.

sighs.

boring Sunday.

cant wait to resume class on Monday!

more updates when i finally succeeded in entertaining my new whole chapter of my very own story.

adios amigos.

Self talk on my Confessions

2010-12-24T21:37:00.001-08:00

Dear 2010, Night
I'm a pathetic person.
Discontented daughter, girlfriend, friend, sister, student & so forth.
I failed to be a filial daughter, a pain in the ass girlfriend & most of all, I disappointed many as a friend.
Self pity has always been my favorite game for many years.
I seek for perfection eventhough I'm aware such thing never does exist.
I wana be the best in things I do & will not settle being the second best, ego consumes me.
But procrastination is what I do best.
I have the vision of what I wana achieve, but too often than not; I do not walk the talk.
I blame the lazy hormones in me, to which I have no self discipline & not putting 100% efforts, but yet I hoped for miracles, things to work out as planned.
I'm a hypocrites.
I chickened out during presentations & speaking is my weakness.
Complaining is what I do best & I'm a self minded person.
I want my wants and not needs to be satisfied or I would end up getting so frustrated.
What a horrible monster I've become!
I feel low of myself sometimes.
I secretly expect my boyfriend to understand me & pay all the attention solely to myself but I never try to live in his shoes.
I suffered from long distance relationship knowing I'll be alone & that feelings alone, kill me.

Goodbye, 2010!

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

Dear 2011, Day
Too much of my bad sides, somehow I hesitated to convince myself I'm good at something at least.
For once, I have the heart for people & I believe humans are good at nature.
When I really want something so badly, I give my heart & soul into it. & giving up never exist in my dictionary.
Passionate. Sincere & naive to some.
Ohh, did I mention I might be one of the most perasan woman you will ever meet?
I'm just proud of what I have & confidence with what I do.
Annoying much?
That brings out the best in me, I guess.
I'm all hyped up.
Very optimistic
& lame if you would call that for being blessed with the opportunity to wake up in the morning the next day, smiling to myself & having a word with God as lame, then I don't mind you calling me that. :D
Sometimes I feel, I was born lucky. I'm blessed with many Lucky Stars that constantly be by my side & help me out when I needed them most, without even have to ask.
One of the brightest & precious of them all would definitely be the love of my life. Heh. Sounded so corny, I know..
But he being the special one, made me learn to appreciate life even more.
To learn about growing ups, heartbreaks, appreciations, commitments, mistakes made, responsibilities & so much more. But most of all, it's about life long experiences that I believe I'll never get a better Guru out there to teach me lifetime long.
I feel blessed. Heh
& never would I wana trade for a better life than the one I'm currently having with such a lovely family.
I spell Perfecto.
& I welcome 2011 with positive vibrants in mind.

•^•^•^•^¥^•^•^¥^•^•^¥^•^•^•^•^
Dear Santa,
if you do exist I hope to see a better world living together in harmony.
No hatred but only love.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:On my own lil comfy bed

When too much of studying, drives a person.. no. two, three persons going cuckoo in the library. LOL

2010-11-25T05:41:00.000-08:00

& so i finally got the green light to post this video up.. check it out. ;D :D

on a boring day like today, at least there's something to laugh at & not all studies and sleep nie. it'll be really dull. need to seek for more entertainment like this, to ease off any unnecessary bad stress xD

Take time to read..

2010-11-23T05:04:00.000-08:00

Life is made up of years that mean nothing and moments that mean it all.
You're born, you die, and in between you make a lot of mistakes.
Have you ever heard a song from so long ago with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry?
And didn't you wish that you could go back into time when everything seemed so much simpler and carefree?
Those are songs that are the soundtrack of our lives..
the ones that bring back childhood memories, best friends, first love, first heartbreak.. the memories.
Every new day is another chance to change your life.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
The times in life, that seems to be the worst, always turn out for the best!
Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you.
Say no. Spend all your cash! Fall in love.
Get to know someone random. Be random.
Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at a stupid joke.
Cry. Get revenge. Apologize.
Tell someone how much they mean to you.
Tell the asshole what you feel.
Let someone know what they're missing.
Laugh til your stomach hurts.
LIVE LIFE!
If you can't solve it, it isn't a problem - it's reality.
And sometimes reality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes the longest to realize.
But once it hits you in the face you'll never forget it.
It will always be there in your memories and sometimes that is the best way to look at it.
Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had.
No one waits forever.
Sometimes the littlest thing in life changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much.
You only live once, so do everything twice.
In your life, you meet people.
Some you never think about again.
Some, you wonder what happened to them.
There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you.
And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.

There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
The greatest risk in life is not taking one.
Tomorrow is a blank page, just waiting to be filled with your dreams..
All you have to do is be yourself and live the story of your own unique life.
Be proud. Be confident. And most of all be happy.
The journey in between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of life really takes place.
Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard.
Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh.
Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.
I wanted a perfect ending.
Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, or end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's to happen next.

There's a point in life when you start to realize who matter; who never did; and who always will.
In life God doesn't give you the people you want, instead He gives you the people you need.
To teach you, to hurt you, to love you, and make you exactly the way you should be.
Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things.
The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.

Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.
Cherish your yesterdays and dream your tomorrows,
but most importantly, don't forget to live your today's.
Sometimes you gotta stop and remember that your not gonna live forever.
Be young, think smart, stay true and just follow your heart.
Half of life is fucking up - the other half is dealing with it.
Every story has an end, but in life every ending is just a new beginning.
Somewhere along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize there should never be regrets,
only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.
Eventually all the pieces will fall into place, until then..
laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason.
So I'm just thinking about how much I don't want my life to be boring.
There is so much I want to do and so many places I want to go - but I don't really think it's ever gonna happen.
I just don't wanna be one of those people who work somewhere they hate or live somewhere they don't want to live.
But I feel like I'm gonna live here forever and not get a chance to see everything I want to see.
I feel like my dreams are to unrealistic.
Someone asked me, the other day,
that if I could change five things about my life, what would I change?
My answer: nothing. this is who I am, who I'm meant to be.
I love being me; even when I'm feeling crappy and I hate myself
I wouldn't change a thing.

The hardest part of life is having to let go of your fears,
and facing the facts: you can't always get what you want,
life isn't a box of chocolates, and your favorite TV series will always have a crappy ending.
When life locks you in your room, simply go out the window.
Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.
As time goes by, life has a way of rearranging itself.
People enter your life, and inevitably, they leave as well.
Things have a tendency to happen that can turn your world upside down.
You’ll come to realize eventually, that even though things are different, you are as well.
Life isn't about keeping score.
It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated,
are dating, or haven't dated at all.
It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you.
It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school.
In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not.
Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are.
Life just isn't about that.
But life is about who you love and who you hurt.
It's about how you feel about yourself.
It's about trust, happiness, and compassion.
Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence.
It's about what you say and what you mean.
It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have.
Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise.
These choices are what life's about.
We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment,
or say goodbye just one last time,
we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can't turn the hourglass over.
Never forget yesterday, But always live for today..
Cuz you never know what tomorrow can bring,
Or what it can take away..
Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death.
When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile.
Not a second passes..
When you're not on our minds..
Your love we will never forget..
The hurt will ease in time..
It's just hard to lose someone, no matter how much or little it meant at the time.
Sometimes they take people, and they don't say why,
sometimes people leave and they never say goodbye,
sometimes there are no second chances to say I love you,
sometimes there are no next times,
sometimes you lose someone and you feel like your heart has followed them to heaven and sometimes there is just nothing you can do to make the tears stop.
Sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people.
But you never forget them.
And sometimes, it's those memories that give us the strength to go on.
Sometimes you have to forgive someone just because you want them in your life.
If it happens, God lets it happen,
and when we say, I don't understand,
God replies, I don't care.
Contemplation often makes life miserable.
We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.
It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past.
You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen.
Because life'd be meaningless and boring and just not worth living.
But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life.
Yes, you will make mistakes.
And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you.
Knowing that things were meant to happen.
Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person.
Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.
People change.
its a part of life, but sometimes its easier to hold on to the memories of who they were..
rather then to realize who they have become..
Life doesn't hurt until you have time to yourself to think about how things have changed,
who you've lost along the way, and how much of it is your fault.
Sometimes there are things in our life that aren't meant to stay.
Sometimes change may not be what we want.
Sometimes change is what we really need.
And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but sometimes it's saying 'hello again' that breaks you down and makes you the most vulnerable person you'll ever know. Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time change is the only thing saving your life. REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO- HOO what a ride!"
Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been but also where you're going.
If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it.

At times I wish I could change the past..
but sometimes the past changes you.
Some things in life are either taken way too seriously or not serious enough.
So why worry so much about our everyday problems.
I mean there is only so much time to be alive but plenty of time to be dead.
So live every day like it is your last.
Take way too many pictures, laugh too hard and love with all your heart.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass..
It is all about dancing in the rain!
Things happen in your life that will not go your way, they will not have the ending you hoped for and you will probably be disappointed..
but don't try and change these things..
instead.. remember them for next time.
Life comes without guarantees except..
Laughing will brighten your day, smiling will enhance your eyes,
and falling in love will change your life.
We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm, and adventure.
There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.
I used to think that death was the hardest thing to overcome. It's not.
It's hard comparable really. Death is final.
You watch the casket be lowered into the ground and you mourn, but you eventually get over it.
It can take years and it hurts like hell, but it's final.
that person is gone and there is no fear of a repeat.
With attempted suicide there is no finality.
Nothing hurts more than someone you love trying to end their own life.

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die it's that moment in life when you actually feel alive.
The sun is somewhere shining even when it rains
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
Perhaps they are not stars in the sky,
but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
Life and death are balanced on the edge of a razor.
I believe Disney movies hold the key to life.
They hold every answer, if we only took the time to look.
We can learn more from that talking crab in the Little Mermaid than we ever could in this corrupted world.
And more than anything I believe in happy endings.
The sun's gonna shine and the rain's gonna fall, but that's life
so dance in the puddles and bathe in the sun.
At the end of the day, just smile and it will all be okay.
It takes both rain and sunshine to make a rainbow.
When it seems like everything is wrong and will never be right again
remember even the darkest nights must give way to day.
There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm.
May your life be like a roll of toilet paper... long and useful.
Life is too short so.. Kiss Longer.. Laugh Harder.. And smile Sweeter...
If I could relive my life, I wouldn't.
Cause everything I've done, I've never once regretted doing them.
And everything I am is everything I was meant to be.
It doesn't matter what you write about somebody after there gone,
it's how you treat somebody while there still there.
Life is like a coin, you can spend it anyway you want but you can only spend it once.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment,
and making the best of it without knowing what will happen next.
Be thankful for hard times in your life.
Try not to look at them as bad things, but as opportunities to grow and learn.
God saw you getting tired, and a cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around you, and whispered, "Come with me."
With tearful eyes we watched you, and saw you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly, we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating.
Hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts, to prove to us, He only takes the best.
From this point on in my life nothing is ever going to be the same.
Nothing can ever be the same.
I don't want anything to ever be the same.
Life isn't supposed to make you feel happy.
It isn't meant to make you feel sad either.
It's just there to make you feel.
A few of the best things in life..
Laughing so hard your face hurts.
Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
Friends. Knowing that somebody misses you.
Not everything's gonna be picture perfect..
Things sometimes take time and have rough times to get through..
Before you can get there but if you give up on things you want,
everything you've gone through ends up being completely worthless.
Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future,
stop figuring out precisely how we feel,
stop deciding with our minds exactly what we want our hearts to feel,
sometimes we just have to go with the flow and just enjoy life.
Sometimes things happen in our lives that tear us apart inside,
but if we don't learn to look past them and see the sun shining above the clouds,
we will forever be standing in the rain.
Just hit play and watch my life fall apart.
Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do.
I've learned that life is like hour glass sand.
Sooner or later, everything hits rock bottom,
but all you have to do is be patient and wait for something to turn everything back around.
Everything in life is temporary, because everything changes.
That's why it takes great courage to love,
knowing it might end anytime but having the faith it will last forever.
Don't let the darkness of the past cover the brightness of the future.
Sometimes our trusting hand that guides us through life won't always be there,
and that's the time when you really grow up and face life for the first time.
But that hand will always be close by.
When life is too crazy, and things are moving too fast, look to the constant stars..
and remember, like them, our love can last.
Ever wonder how your life would be right now if you had the power to go back and change even just one small thing?
Life is not about what I've done, what I should've done, what I could've done..
it's about what I can do and what I will do.
Every passing moment is a chance to turn it all around.
Life is full of surprises, but you have to open them hoping for the very best.
Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the lesson.
So many times, life is unpredictable.
You'll have bad days, and good, and really in the end, the only thing that matters is whose still there by your side.

so begins to add a splash of color across the face of the earth today! ;D

Bonjóur December!

2010-11-23T02:22:00.000-08:00

hello hello!
somehow or rather, i managed to get lazy & squeeze my leisure time here in the blogging world.
University's life been nothing but hectic!
well, no complaints on the mundane life i'm having..
but more updates on my university's life..
well, college or university college.. blaa..

November is a superb busy month for myself
i almost do not recognize myself anymore.
cos everyday is either busy coping up with midterms, practical exams, assignments, quizzes or presentations.
ohh, have i told you how well i did my practical exams?
POS was excellent.
Cafe, well.. screwed it. i broke the glass! in conclusion, i did not do well. ;D
now comes the most crucial part, kitchen practical.
the one's i have had restless nights worrying & praying for the best.
have to either cut a chicken or a fish & well god must have mercy on me, i was given fish.
basic cuts were CEKAP except for the fact that i was too slow in turning potatoes.
mayonnaise was a WOW! ;D
the rest was history.
except for the fact that, my thumb was numb & back aches for days.
my inner voice asking me to stop nagging already ;)

moving on, i did my last assignment whole night & never felt this much of satisfaction before.
well, thanks to my lazy bones or i wouldn't have to stay up being a zombie.
& have both my index fingers bear the consequences of typing too much overnight.
but it's too late to look back & ponder at the mistakes i've made.
only could push myself to look forward & put in extra efforts instead of being so lazy. i need help seriously. ;)
managed to sleep at 7am but being woken up by my housemate because she overslept. it's not that i find it funny to see people frightened or something, but it's so rare to see a person who's always so calm, came to me with tears in her eyes ;p *smacking myself.

as this semester, my first ever semester is coming to an end, i am so looking forward for holidays already! it has been a fruitful four months, learning as much as i could.
from a person who barely knows what beverages from alcoholic to non alcoholic are all about,
to the kitchen operations; where i now know how to cook variety of dishes & even to cut the whole chicken. eew ;p ;p
i have no regrets.
of cos no regrets, how often do you find David Beckham, Barack Obama, Wilber Pan or Edison Chen- look alike under the same roof?
we have politician to footballer and even singers. wasaiii. i wished i have pictures to prove my statements.
dont believe me, well you can always drop by & pay a visit to my college. it's on the 11th floor ;p

last but not least, i got this book from my Malaysian Studies lecturer, Mr. Warren.

i never knew he has written so many books! i always thought he is one funny man with a deep understanding on his subject, but i never knew.. i love his class. it's always fun to see a lecturer with his animated story telling that always come with sound effects like "puuutt puuutt.. bish boom kalaboom"or something like "eh, ah kao sei jor"which means "eh, ah kao die already". LOL

another last picture of the day..

hey, do you see the rainbows?

“Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.”

“God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”

GOODBYE, NOVEMBER! see you again next year! whee

be my savior!

2010-11-13T09:06:00.000-08:00

dear bloggie,
daytime, everything seems so normal
but when the day gives way to the night; that's when all the problems started.
i cant help but to complain all the time.
ranting over the smallest issue in life.
im such an asshole, no?

if you were to lend me a pair of sympathetic ears,
would you mind to open up my eyes to see the brightest side of everything instead being blurred by the vision i created for myself to see?

if there's only one question i'm allowed to answer without fear,
i would definitely want to say this with no offense, especially to the Big Boss up there..
for every breath i'm taking, it's suffocating me so slowly.
true, life is like a rollercoaster ride up & down
i started not to recognize myself & missed seeing the old me
now look what happened to myself?
i'm always so grumpy, pessimistic and the list goes on & on

i don't see myself smile & laugh as often as i used to
but tears & sorrows have been my comfort recently.
that's so not healthy.
i'm getting more & more sensitive that in another words,
i'm getting more desperate in craving the attention & concerns from the people that matter most to me, but when they don't live up to my expectations, i get so frustrated & upset.
wtf is wrong seriously? i wished i know the answer.

instead of building bridges connecting with the homosapiens out there, i'm building walls
instead of accepting people for who they really are, i''ve set a standard & expect them to live up to my standard.
i used to take pride in all the things that i do.
right or wrong decisions don't matter, i'm happy about it.
but now, i always have doubts & think too much of everything
tell me what's wrong really?

a friend of mine told me i did not learn to enjoy the present moments in my life, because all the joys & happiness, i left it back in my hometown.
another friend of mine also told me that, i'm still in the process of learning to adapt myself to the new environment; an isolation phase she named it

whatever it is, i'm still struggling with my own emotions & yet to find the solutions to it; internal conflicts & so they said.

what really brings me down is the fact that this one man has the ability to pull me down to my deepest emotions, every time he's being such a idontknowwhatistherightphrasetodescribehimwhenheisbeingsoinsensitivetomyemotions. i tried not to allow anyone to influence me or to make such a strong impact in my life, but i failed. arghhhh
the best thing is he knew nothing at all;
even when i'm angry or we had a cold war or something,
this innocent kid slept through the night soundly & not bothered to dig deeper into the issue
& when i finally decided to put away my ego & make peace with this innocent kid, he replied saying 'did we have a fight or something?' i don't know to laugh or to cry ;(
simple thing you thought is a crap, matters most to me.
not the pricey or expensive stuff that you value, but is the understanding & attention given by you are what i value most, you biggest idiotic moron! arghhh. babi btoi!

i wanna enjoy life as much as i could, be the person i used to love. be my savior, pls? ;D

:(

2010-11-08T08:19:00.001-08:00

The same old dreams have been haunting me over and over again. How annoying.
Woke up with tears in my eyes again & it ruined my day.
What does that mean really, if you'd been having the same dream of losing someone close to your heart?
Shopping heals me.
Wasted alot of money tryna be a Santa claus, but I felt happy.. Well, at least half my day spent was happy & the remaining day was.. Terrible
Emotions wrapped myself feeling all the negative thoughts in mind. It's suicidal.
Fear of rejection. Failures. Loneliness. Yada Yada
Shit la you, suk Wai
I needed lotsa loves. Lotsa attention. Lotsa everything which I could barely feel all these recently. :(
On the bright note, in less than a month I'll be going home! At least there's a reason to smile again. Sighs
I wana have my cheesecake. My mcflurry again. I want my mum's cooking! I wana hug my dog to sleep. I want Patrick sings to me again. I wana go home! :'(
*sick of myself being so emotional all the time

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Lorong 1/77a,Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia

Special Day

2010-11-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

wow!
guess what's so special about today?
it has been two years.
TWO SOLID YEARS!
so much have changed over the years
from acquaintances, merely even saying a hi & bye,
to where we are today, wow. i'm impressed!
this man, just like any other ordinary guys out there
but this special one managed to make my life extraordinary with his fairy's tale life he made me feel.
being apart made me realize how important it is to treasure what i already have, not to take things for granted, because you never know when you might lose it.
& it only makes clear of one truth that if the person you're in love with, really that special one you wanna grow old with
i've a lot to write, but in the meantime, forgive me pls.
head doing disco again.

oh & yeahh. it's weird
the sky looks so orangy today
i saw an image of a wolf-alike-clouds with a halo above the KLCC.
too much of imagination perhaps, but
oh well,
what a special day!

three more days to go & im going back Ipoh again! so excited. i miss everyone back home!

Random

2010-10-16T10:45:00.000-07:00

Listening to some bedtime songs & got my brain working out more than ever before.
Few random thoughts popped up & thought it might be a good idea to type it out.
It's already my 2nd months learning the big city, still being the kampung girl trying to adapt as much as I could.
Being given the chance to pursue what I've always dreamt of is the biggest gift from Him, so no more complains but to try every way to achieve what I've always wanted to be.
I still have difficulty in breaking down the walls I've created 2 months ago, instead of building bridges with my new life. Maybe that's part of the reason why I failed to feel the presence of genuine happiness compared to my past.
Also, there's something I don't quite get it yet.
Why can't I do what I always wanted to do instead of doing what you think is right? You make me feel like crap, like someone worthless living in your shadows. Good or bad, I have the rights to do what makes me feel good instead. All I ever wanted is somebody to treat me like a princess; to be taken care of & most of all not being taken for granted. Is that really too much to ask for? Lol
You know how it feels really, to not being able to share every of your pains and happiness with the one you really wished would understand you? Cos in the end, instead of comfort you're getting pain in your heart; which screws a person big time if you really get what I mean.

Ha ha.

Say i'm irrelavent, say I'm having mood swings or immature, but I really wished we could see eye to eye in many things.

My Days in College

2010-09-11T01:50:00.001-07:00

So far i've enjoyed both the tutorial and practical classes even if i'm still new in the hospitality industry.
doesn't matter, still have room for improvements.
hahahaah

anyway, here's a few experiences that i have had & would like to share with you readers..

tutorial on Beverages class was on Wednesday. we learnt about the history of wines-making & yada yada. have you ever heard of Ice Wine? how it is made? now let me tell you. according to my lecturer he said the reason it is called ice wine basically because the grapes were collected during winter time where the grapes were covered with ice.. and tada.. we have Ice Wine. reasonable.
best of all, we got to taste the whole bottle of Ice Wine! yum yum. & not forgetting, red wine!
we even learned about labeling. how to differentiate sweetness of wines & all that. 110-150° Oe is very sweet! ;D

next up, i had my practical in the Cafe on Thursday!
Can you believe that?
Real guests dining in & is actually runs by the newbies like us!
OMG. i'm all excited & thrilled by the fact that we're running the Cafe for few hours eventhough we've only started to learn the basics, the do's and don'ts on that day itself!
Our menu of the day was Japanese Cuisines!
don't remember much names of the dishes, but there's this appetizer known as Shabu Shabu. HAHA =p
i was the Cashier of the day & i thought "Wow, it would be fun!"
i almost died of too much adrenalines rushing through my brain.
feel so tensed up cos i don't really know how to function the cashier machine.
each individual teaching me different things & guests kept coming in, i don't know who to listen to
so ended up i'd rather write in the Captain's Order & do mental calculation instead.
i guess there's few ringgits shortage too. hahah
after the peak hours, the wannabe-Chefs prepared us lunch!
Japanese Cuisines! & i even got to taste the green tea ice cream- all cooked & made by the wannabe-Chefs aka the students themselves! i'm so impressed!
what really impressed me too was the fact that my lecturer asked me go to the kitchen grabbed some food before i leave because he said he appreciated our hard work & therefore no one should be left out. & he kept thanking us again & again. awwww!

Greetings From IPOH!!

2010-09-10T23:58:00.000-07:00

hahaha.

aloha, my dear readers!
finally i'm in ipoh for good!
currently having Raya's breaks for 10 days.
i'm sooooooo happy! ;D

you know ah, as much as i enjoyed the company of my friends back in KL
but there's no place like home.
i'm dragging for my days to pass me by each day without even living a life
a day without having to rush like a mad cow is something i really really treasure already.
but despite all that, i'm learning to be more cautious & be aware of the surrounding which i don't know if it's a good or bad thing.
trust me, i don't like that either.
i feel so heavy having so much to carry on my shoulder,
but that's what we ought to do in reality, no?

woman, you're too careless & your time management is really bad!
how did you burn the kettle?
how could you miss the bus?
how could you be so careless in everything that you do, always forget this & that?
aiyooo. but that's me
every bad incidents that's happening to me right now are caused by my careless self.
so im learning from it.
no more blaming the lucks or whatsoever.

yesterday i slept for 11 hours continuously & had a fantastic dream
the whole day been watching tv, practically doing nothing
but i love the life that i'm having now.
everything moving in a slow pace,
having to worry about absolutely nothing.
home is the place on earth,
pls don't ask me to leave so soon yet
bring me to the place near my heart.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Another day not mine

2010-09-06T08:26:00.000-07:00

well, you should have guessed. i have had a really bad hair day today.
NO.
bad hair-to-toe day!

i'll say this once & for all; & let's close this chapter after that already.

yes. my phone got stolen.
you know how it happened?
i didn't know either because that barbarian is so desperate he raped my handphone so efficiently.
the only thing i know next, i was so freaked out my mind went blank immediately.
i started to raise my voice & grabbed the 3 malay boys nearest to my side not letting any of them go.
i even shouted for god sake so fcuking loud somebody steal my phone,
but what those so called homosapiens ever did were to look at me & NOT EVEN ONE BLOODY PERSON WILLING TO AT LEAST JUST BLOCK THOSE MAFIAS FROM GETTING OUT THE LRT! so fucking reality right when comes to this?
let me rephrase this, the majorities don't deserve to be called human beings, they should at least learn the basic of being humans;
cos humans have heart, they have feelings;
but all these people im seeing are nothing but walking corpses.
no no im not blaming anyone.
im old enough to bear my own consequences &
yes, it's my careless mistake.
it just not my day, that's all i could say to comfort myself.
cos another victim was even worse.
her phone got stolen in her pocket without her even realizing it, that's amazing how these barbarians make full use of their both hands learn to steal stuffs instead of standing on their own two feet.
i could imagine how their mothers would feel;
9 months of pregnancy & years of nurturing them with love & care;
at the end of the day, these poor mothers' baby grown up being a RASCAL!
& that's not about it,
my housemate called my handphone 7th times & overheard the barbarian negotiating with a malay lady for like RM35.
what came to mind was that barbarian with no shame selling my handphone to the malay lady with no brain for RM35!

it doesn't end here.
what a lucky day, really.
went to lowyat for a replacement sim card, lowyat asked us go pavillion.
was thinking to myself "at least today is not that bad after all. no sun. no rain. just nice to walk"
walking for like less than 5 minutes, started to pour like cats & dogs.
i needed super spin dry, i'm telling you right.
whole body was so wet from top to toes. sighs

i'm not trying to be racist or some sort like that.
but seriously, i just loathed the Cikus! (if you know what i mean)
& no, i don't hate the Cikus based on this one incident that happened to myself. but more to what i've seen & heard of all these years, my limits tank just burst. that's all i could say. no more tolerance
i don't consider the people that i know,
i'm pin pointing the majority of the Cikus out there
i have always considered myself a universal multi cultural kind of person
but there are just too many rotten apples out there that spoilt the whole barrel of it.
hate it or love it, you have to accept that.
& mind you, every word that i typed in here already go through my brain, my sound mind before i decided to post up such a racism sentences.

my day went normal as usual.
attended beverages class.
mix match vodka with cranberry & orange juice.
had cocktails & mocktails.
wow, few sips only but my head spinning already.
bla bla bla...

i talk to them like normal, but there'll be times i got drifted away & stared at the air.
that's the time when everything came knocking in like crazy.
i don't know to cry or to laugh.
i just didn't know what to do.
it's not me being so calm.
i needed to let it all out at least,
only then can i let it go completely.

Lina, i know you won't be reading this;
but i just want you to know i love you so much! hehe
ohhh, i didn't mention this!
i was listening to the Billionaire & Bad Romance feeling slightly sad cos these two songs been attached to me like my left right arms already.
knowing i won't be woken up by these songs everyday in the meantime, somehow i felt handicapped.
that's when this brilliant girl came out with a good idea saying she would be singing these songs for me everyday. awwwwwwwww. how sweet?
now i don't feel sad anymore, i just feel so lucky & blessed. that's all.
hehehe. no more rainy day please, i wanna see sunshine smiles upon my face, effecting from now! *so demanding. LOL

goodnight, readers! xoxo

Hello Ipoh.

2010-09-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

i miss home already.

i wanna go home.

i feel like a walking zombie in KL.

i don't really like my routines, the same old routines everyday. even so reluctant to wake up. just feel like lying on bed whole day long not doing anything.

everyone is always on the go. no time to slow down & to breathe. it's like every breath im taking suffocating myself so slowly, to that extend. everyday i feel like a dead person, so tired.

but to think of it, im not here for a vacation. im here to study, to craft my future. so again, whether i like it or not, have to live with it no matter what. pls be strong. stay focus. *slapping myself.

but i did enjoy my stay here you see. with a bunch of friends. like a big family. eating home cooked food, that's what i missed eating the most. eating outside food is like so yucky yuck.

in summary;

1. i've to stock up bottles of drinking water cos the water in my place is terrible. muddy colour with smell. yucks. even my face is getting worse. LOL

2. in the ratio of 1:10, hardly can find anyone who's willing to help you or offer you a seat. ki ki ku ki ki. haha

3. only the 2nd week, but already given 6 assignments due in october. crazy!

4. so much to learn in the hospitality industry la! slowly catching up. next time when i see anyone of you, stop telling me this industry is easy, cos it's not! im still struggling on beverages class. can i not learn about the alcoholic except for the wine? can i not learn about the mixtures & all cos im going cuckoo trying to memorise so many unfamiliar new terms?

5. & d'ya know that one of the assignment actually require me go to a bar, try out some new drinks & write a report on it since it's a group work. everyone agrees to go to the bar. uwaaaaa

6. & most importantly, d'ya know that everyone is calling me AUNTY just bcos im 20yrs old & maybe sounded a bit too naggy? so awesome, not! haha

7. i feel like a completely different person; so not friendly. not nice. not fun. not sociable. i don't know what's happening, but i just don't feel like talking to anyone about it. ironic compared to my old self aite? move on move on. ;)

8. oh, one more thing. my first time attended such an immature meeting. no respect, blasting another person as you like without deep thinking, without even thinking of the consequences. that's weird huh?

goodnight!

2010-08-17T06:17:00.001-07:00

Big HELLO to everyone!

surprised eh i'm having so much free time to even lay my hands on my blog?

i'll keep it short & simple, for im hitting the sacks in no time already. now is only 9.05pm, i didn't know since when i turned into such an angelic no more sleeping late night hours. have to, when basically one's body is running low on energy. so busy i don't even know what we're busy at to be exact, literally.

so anyway, as usual we had lectures again & again...
here's something i would like to share today.
one of the lecturer, she played this song for us "The Power of The Dream" by Celine Dion.. it was an inspiring lecture i would say..
when i listened to this song once again from my roommate, i decided to check out the video on YouTube.
this is the best video i found so far.. do check it out.. hehe

& some random inspiring videos..

(this is a must to watch la.. really love it. xD)

& guess what!? i had the best pizza in my entire life! the Domino Pizza!! gosh.. so tasty!
on second note, i guess i have lost so much weights. reason 1: too much of walking. reason 2: no time for proper food or if i do have the chance, the food is too expensive. i mean really really burn big holes in pockets. LOL

take care, folks!

2010-08-13T04:48:00.000-07:00

greetings, Friday the 13th!

wow, i cant believe today is friday already. time waits for no man. & im so glad that i don't have to wake up so early & catch the bus, sitting in the lecture theatre yawning away wishing to go home & when i'm finally home, i'll be so drained up, there the cycle repeats & repeats again. that's kl life.

everyday, i have to wake up at 6.30am in the morning, board the bus, get the monorail & kepit like a sardine, walk to school for like 10minutes, get the damn lift to 11th floor, reached the lobby & will be waiting there for like an hour before the cycle repeats itself again. at the end of the day, my head would be spinning left right & up down. body gets so sweaty. so sick of it la. haha

but besides all the miseries i've just mentioned, the college itself is really cool seriously. i mean, i feel that i have really made the wise decision this time. haha. the school offers exactly what i've been searching for all the while.

keep you updated next time! head doing disco again.

tadaa!

aiks. second post of the day

2010-08-09T22:43:00.001-07:00

since im in kenny rogers now, might as well make full use of its wi-fi la eh? wakakaka

i don't know why i have so much to talk about la these days. hahaha

so, i met with my new housemate today, Sally is her name not Sherly. LOL
taking the same course as i do! i think my house all four of us are taking the same course kut.
anyway, this is the funny part.
i brought Sally & her family to take the Monorail, so that's when the door started closing & her mum still outside. so the dad was holding the door like a Hercules & the door shut with a loud bang. everyone stared at us. hahaha
everyone was rushing out but us, then don't know how the door started closing already & one of the girl got 'çlamped'. so funny la. don't know how to explain. wakkkakakkaka

what a funny day!

im feeling superb excited with a new housemate now. i suppose i'll be in heaven if i get to meet my roommate later.

enough of myself already. let me see how shall i entertain myself while waiting for my housemate to get done shopping.

take care everyone! ;)

2010-08-09T22:27:00.001-07:00

New Phase. New Chapter

Hello hello cyber world! i miss you lots & you know that. haha

Life's superb great at the moment & i believe there's more excitements await me in the future, so let's just wait & see. hoho

So basically i went through the 4 days 3 nights in the apartment with no homosapiens but myself so yeah, *applause. hahaha. (hey let me just brag about this la cos it aint easy for a scaredy cat like me. so that's definitely a big achievement for myself. hohohohoho *syok sendiri.)

I had a teary night on the first day itself but thank god it lasted only for about 5minutes? HAHHAHAH. i have my babyboy to comfort me & he's like "Warning! change thinking now. negative frequency recording. change frequency. counting down to manifestation. Warning!"

*moving on to the 3rd day, which is on a Monday;

I went to Berjaya Times Square, to get myself familiar with the places. It was a once-of-a-lifetime experience i would say & i'm surprised i didn't get lost, not at all. so proud of myself la. hehehehe.

KL seriously a great place for shopping & food but one thing for sure, it's gonna burn a big hole in your pockets. oh yeah, & i managed to buy the pepper spray for protection but hell, it costs RM38.90. whaddafart. so bloody expensive la. LOL

so basically, that's all my grandma's story for today. fingers lazing on the keyboards, refusing to keep dancing already. so stay tune for more! xD

p/s: but one last thing i have to say here, i feel so calm & at peace, free from disturbance, free from the hassle & bustle of life.. life at its slow pace makes me feel like a whole new person.. it's like you feel as if you're connected to the Mother Nature for some reasons. but as class started to commence soon, life so gonna move at its speed of a jetplane. SIGHS.

but but, what i love most is the scenery at night when i look through my windows. perfecto!

but of course, i still miss Ipoh. i miss everything about Ipoh. i miss my mum & my dodo! HAHAHAHAHAH

pp/s: i actually make few friends from BUCH! they're so nice & friendly. lucky me. =p

thank You for the life i am blessed with. thank You for everything You've given me. really really appreciate that. hehehehe

2010-08-06T09:33:00.001-07:00

Goodbye, Ipoh!

in less than 7 hours, i'll be entering another new chapter.

gotta leave behind so many memories of Ipoh & anticipating to creating even more sweet moments of my future, in the capital city of Malaysia.

love it or hate it, i gotta keep moving forward eh? bencinya have to grow up so constantly. =.=

anyway,
i'm gonna miss everything about Ipoh, that's for sure.
not gonna be so emoish ranting about my past..
the only thing i'm currently hoping for,
i'll get along with my new roommate; can do shopping sama & have pillow's talk at night ;p
stay true to my self & the principles im gripping on right now
the fire burning in me being passionate in the course i am taking & excel in my future profession
in a blink of an eye, 4 years passed & i'll be entering another new phase.
time is precious & it's slipping away.

hey Big City, bring it on! hahahah

*re-checking my to-bring lists. lalalala

Free like a bird

2010-08-01T11:18:00.001-07:00

heyo heyo!

today is monday. i've approximately 5 days left in ipoh. so busy. busy with everything. not even done packing my bags & mum kept nagging day night reminding me to pack my damn bags. haha. im so gonna miss my mum's nagging after this.

monday i have to spend half day in hospital AGAIN. hate government hospital la. they bored me by making me waited for hours. everything will be alright, i know. hehe. done with that, have to do some last minute shopping already & night dinner with the V.I.P family. haha

tuesday, gonna spend my day with my colleagues & my loveliest junior, ms LOO MEE YEE! oh-mi-gosh, cant wait to meet up with her! hhehehe. & night, movie with a sakai & my mum. ;D

wednesday, have a date with my two besties. soooo gonna be fun, i can assure you that. & night, hopefully going sidewalk with my kelewi friend catching up with each other & getting inspired by her once im settle in kl of bla bla bla.. oh & this time, i must order my favourite ice cream! mango, rum & blaaaa *hungry. LOL

thurs & fri, time for final packing. no more going out i hope. gonna spend my last two days at home dating my mum *fingers crossed no last minute plan

& so basically, im writing nonsense now.

*big yawns

goodnight everyone! *singing lullaby to put myself to sleep.

p/s: so gonna miss everything in ipoh. the people. the food. no matter how much i hated KayHell, but gotta learn to love the place since i'll be staying there for like.. what? four years? shit.

pp/s: YOU, pls pull me back to the reality if you see me leading to hell once i step my feet in KayHell. pls guide me & lead me to the right path.

sayonara! xoxo

ooi ooi, hear me say! ;D

2010-07-30T07:36:00.003-07:00

aloha my dear readers,

hope life is treating each & every one of you splendidly!
for myself, life is a bliss.

i have news!
τHΣ §†ÖЯϒ Ö£ мΨ LÌ£Ξ¹²³
this is my story.
currently just closed another chapter
& now anticipating for yet another new chapter of my life!
so excited! hehe

so anyway, this is one of the very precious chapter that has happened within the past one month.
the chapter where i'm back to my former workplace & to learn even more this time.
i realize as you grow, the level of confidence increases within you.
but never ever think too high-and-mighty of oneself, cos arrogance only kills even the most intelligent person. hahaha
don't wana bored you with my working life.
but i definitely had the best time of my life working with such great bosses & superb sakai colleagues. hehe
so im done & over with this phase, i have to look forward to my studying life once again!

but anyway, i have a story i feel i should share with anyone who's reading this
so hear me say...
my boss brought me to this place, not really a house.. how do i describe it?
a place where it's stranded far away & not many would notice such a place even exists i reckon?
there lived a family consists of 1,2,3,4.. i think should be four family members in the house.
the daughter was born without legs & so unfortunate she had leukemia
while the mum who's already 70yrs old diagnosed with cervix cancer. 3rd stage & it's not a good sign for someone as old as her to have gone through this.
they even got cheated by the unprofessional lawyer. bastard!
i felt for them. i really do. i don't know how they managed to get thru this kinda hell lives,
but these are the real fighters, the daughter especially.
she's so optimistic.
i really wished i would be able to lend a helping hand.
the only thing i can do right now, is to pledge anyone who's reading this, who knows any information or the whereabouts of how to get the financial aids, government bodies or whatsoever it is to help them.

if you think your life is hard, think again. and ask yourself, compared to what?

today is really a great exposure for myself if you ask me.
i've heard enough of sad stories, but never really had a chance to be immersed into a real-tragic situation. a real-life situation that is really happening around us, but only the society choose to be so ignorant.

cheerio! xD

2010-07-12T05:25:00.000-07:00

i'm a complicated person la.

when i am too caught up with works, i wished i could have more time to rest.

now that i am too caught up with basically nothing, surfing the net thinking what to do, i wished i know what to do.

haha

i wonder how's everyone doing?

my fingers feel so stiff, scratching my head thinking of things..

i'm really curious what awaits me in the future.

signing out.

Aloha Readers!

2010-07-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't be blogging at this hour.
But I have so much to share right now..

(it's a bedtime story for myself anyway, so don't bother reading if you don't have time. grandma's ranting nie)

A year ago,
I fell in love with the MacBook Pro.
I even dreamt of owning it one day.
& so it is decided once i got a job,
I would start saving money for it.
I had it all planned,
but of cos it didn't go according to what i had planned.

7 months ago, i told them i would own this baby.
but they said, i'm too ambitious.
it was merely a dream,
but now i proved them wrong.
anything is possible,
you can achieve whatever you desire
you could even own the world,
nothing is impossible
as long as you put your heart & soul into it.
that's what i learnt along the way.

when what others do is to laugh at your dreams,
it is possible to turn your dream into a reality.

you know why i'm really that excited right now?
it's the satisfaction that i feel right now.
so much satisfaction knowing whatever other people says about you doesn't matter
but what you have to say about yourself that really matters.

sometimes when i look at it again,
it's really funny.

i was so excited cos i got the job in Fossil
knowing i'll be so filthy rich at the end of the day.
but who would have expected,
i quit the job 6 days later?

coincidence or not,
i ended up in Kenny Rogers.
& i got the partial scholarships from Berjaya Roasters.

when all hope is gone,
i thought of giving up..
knowing it's impossible to save up the amount of money needed.
back then, the MacBook Pro was RM4k.

just when im on the verge of giving up,
i got to know the new line is coming out in April.
coincidence or not?
MacBook Pro for RM3599.
hahahahah

& so i set my mind right again.

again, coincidence or not you decide.
just when im worrying where to collect that lump sum of money

that asshole appeared suddenly & sent money to me.
& my bro in law wanted to sponsor half of my laptop money.
great.
so all i ever needed to do is to wait for the month of May to arrive.
just when i'm so near of getting it already,
something came up.
i was torn in between knowing i can choose only one.
that was the worst situation i feel i have been into.
i cried for weeks, that's all i could say.
don't wana elaborate already. im yawning here myself listening to my own rantings. LOL

to keep it short, i am really really grateful for the pains & sorrows You choose to throw on me.
now that the dark moments are long gone, im harvesting the fruits of joys & happiness. so pls. pls don't take it all away from me too soon yet. HAHA.

& you know,
i do not worship God like how the Christians would go to church every Sunday,
the Muslims would be praying to their Allah 5 times a day
nor like the Buddhists praying with the incence sticks to show their appreciation towards Him.
i only speak to Him through my heart.

but i really really do believe in the existence of God.
what i realize is that,
sometimes you might not favor the road He has chosen for you now,
but once you got thru that phase
looking at how your life has unfold before your own eyes,
that feeling is indescribable.
get what im saying?
cos that's what im feeling now, again.
LOL

2010-06-25T00:21:00.000-07:00

there is a reason for the presence of people in our lives
but there's also a reason for their absence.
maybe their presence will teach us something,
something we never thought we were capable of doing,
thus, maybe their absence will teach us to be strong & how to be strong,
that life goes on &
that the absence of someone in our lives doesn't mean the end of the world,
absence only makes the heart grow fonder.
ho ho ho ho

it's a rainy day today, nothing much to be done , guess i'll have my beauty sleep now. working tonight. ahh, lazy

everyone should read this ;)

2010-06-24T23:28:00.000-07:00

One day I decided to quit....
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. .. in fact I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God..

"God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.I gave them water.The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.

And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.. He said.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.

But I would not quit.

In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would

not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. ..

But just 6

months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave

it what it needed to survive..

I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.."

He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling,

you have actually been growing roots".

"I would not quit on the bamboo.

I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others."

He said.

"The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.

Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me.

"You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?"

I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest and brought back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

Never, Never, Never Give up.

Don't tell God how big the problem is,

tell the problem how Great God is!

*caryn, sorry ah.. copy paste your post here. hehe

2010-06-22T23:01:00.000-07:00

bloggers, please update your blogs! i wanna read new posts. ;)

2010-06-18T00:54:00.001-07:00

just got home & leaving tomorrow already.

catch with ya soon, folks!

have a blessed day!

2010-06-11T22:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think being brave is nothing more than hiding fear where no one can see it,
& being strong is just crying where no one sees you.
I don't tell you everything like before because you judge, that's why ;D

"Live everyday as if it's your last day on earth.
& the most beautiful thing you can actually do is to spend more time with your loved ones.
Don't even think about being far apart from each other.
Spend your 24 hours wisely.
The time you spent for tears & unhappiness already stolen off the time you should be happy
Count your blessings & somehow you'll see rainbows rather than dark clouds."

Beautiful.

Thanks, you know who you are.
It means so much to me.

On a very unrelated note, today is the opening ceremony for AppleStore in Ipoh Parade.
i feel so terrible sad cos didn't know about it earlier that there's a free woohoo box to be given to the first 100 customers. i heard the first 5 customers who queued up would get extra gifts, high chances of getting ipod, iphone. omg. so sad already. hahahaha

Out of Randomness

2010-06-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

i had a conversation with my mum yesterday while on the way to Tesco.

it went something like this:-

Me: Mii, i think hoh if next time i were to get married don't want so old nie married. If wana have baby also, before 30 years old should be good eh?

Mum: *silence*

Me: *continue* cos i think already, if i have baby before 30 years old, by right i am sixty, my children already big enough to stand on their own feet. Plus, financial is stable to support me already when i am old *laughing

Mum: You have one children enough already, girl or boy doesn't matter.

Me: Waa, Mii. If like that right, *calculating using my fingers* now i'm twenty already, by right i'm graduated, already twenty three.. waa, means left few more years nie la? yerrrr

Mum: *ignoring me* Trust me, one is more than enough already. Your body is too weak.

Me: Can adopt kids what. LOL

Mum: *staring at me* But don't know if your husband like it or not leh

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

2010-06-10T06:15:00.000-07:00

pms again.

my mood swings dramatically.

you know what i really need right now?

my love tank is empty.
i needed somebody to just please, help me to fill it up.
mengada means mengada la, i don't care.
i needed somebody to make me smile so badly now.

;'(

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

2010-06-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Definitely one of the best!

2010-06-08T07:25:00.001-07:00

2010-06-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

hello lovers,
great day isn't it?

someone once told me,
everyday, you have a reason to smile & to celebrate life,
because today you are given the chance to breathe.
no matter how terrible you feel about today,
smile because you are given the chance to breathe.

someone also once told me,
when you are having a bad day,
stay calm. take a deep breath
because it's just another day not yours.

yesterday,
someone told me to be appreciative of obstacles in life.
cos the more obstacles He throw to you, the more He trust in you that you can handle it
God never allows His people to suffer if He knows they cannot go thru it
not necessary the people you expected them to be there for you, would be there for you when you needed them most.
but it is the unexpected people that comes to you & raise you up during your darkest hours.
& whatever that does not kill you, only makes you stronger.

very true indeed.

HA HA HA HA HA

Reformatting the Heart

2010-06-07T03:01:00.001-07:00

Tech Support:  Yes, how can I help you?

Customer:   Well , after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.
Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support:  Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer:  Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do  I do first?

Tech Support:  The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located  your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it  okay to  install Love while they are Running?

Tech Support:  What programs are running?

Customer:  Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and  Resentment running right now.

TechSupport:   No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your  current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer  Disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a  module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely  turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being  properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer:  I don't Know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support:  With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do  this as many times as necessary until Grudge and  Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer:  Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support:  Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.   You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer:  Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error -  Program not  running on internal components." What should I do?

Tech Support:  Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to  run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer:  So, what should I do?

Tech Support:  Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following  files:   Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer:  Okay, done.

Tech Support:  Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system  will  overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you  need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from al directories and empty your Recycle  Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer:  Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile  is playing on  my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves  all over My Heart.   Is this normal?

Tech Support:  Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually  everything   gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running.   One more thing before  We hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it  and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool   modules back to you.

Customer:  Thank you, God.

2010-06-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

almost on the verge of giving up already..

hahaha.

still can laugh, then i guess it's not that bad after all. ;)

Friend, i need you now!

Choices

2010-06-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

i woke up smiling to myself because i had a really weird dream tonight.
i dreamt of something illogical, so childish.
but yet i woke up smiling to myself because i think it's so cute.
seconds passed me by, minutes & soon hours.
i'm still awake.
mind you, it's already near to 5am already.
i had so much thoughts in mind & was so reluctant to wake up.
if waking up in the reality is such a pain in the ass,
i'd rather sleep forever, seriously.
i wanted to blog, but no i shouldn't cos i told myself not to.
i wanted to blog cos i understand perfectly no one would ever understand me nor do i feel any better by telling them my problems.

the wise one once quoted,

Never tell your problems to anyone.. 20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

but i would say,
Never tell your problems to anyone..20% don't care and the other 80% are burdened by what you have to say.
so i told myself, if it's raining outside now i'll turn on my computer.
if it's not, i'll shut up & go to bed.
but no, even if it doesn't rain i chose to on my computer cos i know that's WHAT I REALLY WANTED at the moment.

i burst down yesterday because i was left with so many choices to make.
& no. i'm not emo. i'm just feeling weak.
why do life always leave you with so many choices to make constantly, everyday without failed?
why can't it be a one-way street instead of having so many junctions along the way?
it's either you choose to go left or right,
wrong or right, you still have to move on with it.
nah, i already know we should be grateful when life appears most dire.
but i'm only human, so let me speak.
let me feel the emotions the way a normal human should be.

& no. i'm not complaining again.
but i have a question to ponder.
how would you react to this if today you're given a choice to choose only one.
something you have worked so hard from the beginning or to give it all up for the sake of your family?
i know i am selfish, very very selfish if i tell you no, i am not willing to give up for what i have believed & near to getting it already..
for whatever reasons..
not until to the stage where you have to put your family first, that i can consider.
but now, i guessed i have the answer already.
ahh, so relieved suddenly.

people says money makes the world go round.
fcuk them.
the people again.
i don't know if it's just me or happening to everyone else,
why do we humans or maybe just me, have to be bothered by what people have to say, to think about you, like seriously?
for the past ten years or more,
i have been a pretender,
living in denial.
living my life as if it's others.
cos i cared what they gotta think of me.
but recently,
somehow in a way i would say,
i found what i want
& i know what i want
but people come to me & say
"Suk Wai you have changed. you are being selfish. & that's bad"
but no, i don't think that's as bad as i thought.
yes, sometimes i am not happy about it
but it's the people again that makes me not happy.
i'm really tired of entertaining the world already.
you have no rights to tell me what should or shouldn't do,
cos you ain't living my life,
mind yours first.
i just wana live my life,
solely for myself & not for anyone else at the moment,
cos i'm tired,
really really tired;
mentally, emotionally & physically *ehem. LOL

don't say i'm stupid if i tell this to you now,
blogging does heal.
i think i can r.i.p now.

oh btw, this is really interesting.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

well well well, You are really good in this huh?
thank You for guiding me no matter how difficult the path seems to be.
thank You for the life You have blessed me with, sincerely.

God bless everyone. hahaha

Defying Gravity

2010-05-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try

Defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I am defying gravity

And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits

''cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try, I'll never know!

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing love I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

And you won't bring me down!

bring me down!

ohh ohhh ohhhh!

We all experience defining moments in our lives when we suddenly have an awareness that penetrates our bones and forever alters our path and how we show up in this world.
A defining moment can be something we characterize as "positive or "negative".
But I very much believe that everyone deserves a chance to fly.
A chance to be their true self.
So yeah, go listen to the Glee Cast version of the song. LOL

2010-05-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

i have nothing nice to write about,
so perhaps,
i guess it's better this way..
not posting anything up..
not ranting over the smallest thing..

sometimes,
i feel this reality place i'm living in
is so funny
sometimes i am happy
but sometimes i am not
sometimes i am sad
but sometimes i am not
maybe it's just me the one feeling it,
being too over emotional.
but well,
what more can i say?

i hate making decisions.
hate having so much to worry about
hate having to learn to be so selfish
& most of all hate having so much responsibilities in hand.
yet i hate it most knowing i have to grow up

i have nothing to share already,
even if i do, i don't know how to put it all up.
so i guess,
it's better for me to bid farewell at the moment.

i'll be back when i'm mentally & hopefully, physical fit as well.
haha

2010-05-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

woke up 7.30am in the morning, went for breakfast & off to work.

entered restaurant at 9.57am & got scolded by Ms. M cos i couldn't come for spring cleaning. like so wtf? spoiled my morning already. Ms. M told me it's compulsory & everyone HAVE to come but when i asked few colleagues, they planning to skip, so what's the big deal now? Ms. M said she's being unfair to others cos i don't usually do closing, but then again, i already informed both Ms. M & Ms. S i have no transport to go back at night the first week itself when i started to work in this restaurant, & now she raising this issue. so tell me, is that my fault?

i was so pissed off i don't know why. i just do whatever i could, wiped the damn restaurant clean. if any fcuker who dare to say i'm not doing my job or any word about me, i'm not giving faces anymore. i just feel so pissed off that why is it people always have so much to complain about? don't they have nothing to complain about themselves instead?

oh but i'm so happy cos gonna give my resignation tomorrow already. yippie!

argh, hate hypocrites! hate hate hate! all are bitches!

but i love my mum. hehe

2010-05-04T03:07:00.000-07:00

sighs.
five more minutes before i have to return this baby back to the fat babi
LOL
life's not fair!
i wanna own it like now!
haha

anyway, i had a great time spent with my loved one today.
kick ass is totally a superb great movie!
headed to stadium straight after brunch to burn off some solid fats.
don't know why, today so many strangers paired up with us during the badminton match.
not many actually, only two persons.
both also uncle.
this uncle, already 70+ but still so semangat can run. respect him.
i paired up with patrick, vincent paired up with the uncle.
but my team lost to him.
paiseh btoi. haha

p/s: on a very unrelated note, on Monday, i worked as usual in Kenny Rogers.
there's this woman, real kind. i was taking order as usual, serving her like a server should be.
before she left, she actually waited for me to clear the other tables & asked me for the bill instead of asking other server. rupa-rupanya, she wanted to give me tips. RM10 woot!! so happy.

haha. enough boasting, now ciao to meet up with the nenek tua already ;D

2010-05-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

feel so relieved after pouring out everything.

stay tuned for my penang's trip pictures!

finding time to actually transfer the pictures from my phone to desktop to laptop.

iyakk

2010-05-03T01:24:00.000-07:00

remember the three fat ass story i mentioned the other day?
LOL *feel so bad calling them fat ass.. ahh, who cares ;D
two of the fat ass apologized to me, kept saying sorry..
well, i don't know how true is that,
cos majority of my colleagues told me so or perhaps they wanted to make me feel better, ahh. i don't know.
but my Supervisor told me that the ugly fat ass did not have the courtesy to apologize, but it's okay.
doesn't bother me much though. haha

so anyway, hey you old bitch!
YES I'M TALKING TO YOU
i don't like the way you acted so innocently complaining to that person saying bad stuffs about her,
but yet..
do you still remember what you told me about that person?
& you don't have the guts to tell her you backstabbed her too huh?

you too, miss. hypocrite!
how could you be so stupid telling me that if you have an issue with me, you'll approach me straight instead of complaining or talking bad stuffs about me to other people?
maybe you have a peanut brain that you are so poor in acting.
this minute you're telling me all those nonsense,
the next minute i saw you telling two persons about your conversation with that girl.
so bullshit.
young or old, all are bitches.
i'm telling you right.

2010-05-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

this is my first time working 8 hours continuously without having the chance to slow down
this is also my first time being scolded for my service. wtf funny.
Labour Day, omg.
i hate today
people kept rushing in non stop.
full house since 10am, right until my shift is over at 8.30pm.
i pity those closing people, don't know what time they can close shop.
it's my first time burst down crying during work as well.
so malufying.

well, i seriously never expected anyone to ever doubt my service
but you three fat ass, thank you for making me to realize the impossible.
i wouldn't say i'm an ace worker or whatsoever shit it is,
but you ugly fat ass especially, you are being so ignorant
& for that may the god bless you in everything you are about to say.
arghhhhhh.
enough of today already.
i've met too many idiots today i don't wana be an idiot ranting over the smallest thing.
so ta-daa!
i'm off watching tv.
;D

2010-04-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

hey, am i really that naive till everyone has to cheat on me & take advantage of me huh?
& do i really look as though i have no brain to think as an individual
& people have to treat me like a kid?

or is it true that, this is the reality?
the cruel reality?

i feel so ashamed to even type this out. LOL
i thought, damn. my opportunity is here finally.
so i called Patrick & asked for his opinion.
see see i'm like a small kid get scolded by parents cos being so naive.
the only difference this time, he kept nagging me & make me feel so small.
but i feel so lucky.
cos i have someone to correct me if i'm wrong,
pamper me in times of need. hehe

2010-04-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

hello my dear readers,
just a short note to all my fellow friends, you know who you are.

imiss you.

though i acted like a heartless ass not even a 'how are you?' SMS, but you know, you mean so much to me, i swear it's true.

cos right now, i have only one main purpose that driving me so hard to work like a cow.
i really really wanna get my MacBook Pro!
haha. so desperate huh? well, i don't know why, but this is something that i really want & really working so hard to get it. so pls, excuse me for the moment.
i'll get back to my old self as soon as possible!

no matter how often i complained about life, but deep within; i am so ever grateful for all that happened.
cos life is really beautiful.
damn, i love my life! LOL

oh, & god bless all of you.
have a great day ahead of you!

;)

goodnight.

2010-04-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

Life is not all work, work is not all hard toil.
I'm so fcuking pissed off today. She's a total bitch, like seriously.
You have a position, so what?
If you use your heart instead of your brain when managing people, sorry you don't get my respect.
Be fair to everyone, & talk with sense.
Stop playing the prejudice game.
& you'll gain my respect.
If you are being such a hypocrite, backstabbing people behind their backs, & in front talking so nicely to them, well i really failed to put on a plastic face like you do.
& stop trying to befriend with me, cos if i don't like you, i can't pretend to like you.
you biatch!
arghhh!
working life!
backside hole!

i'm sick of promises.
so stop giving me false hopes.
arghhhhhh!

my day today, screwed it.
hoping for a better day tomorrow!

hey, baby. i'm owning you soon. patience
going Penang to get the Fat Babi's MacBook Pro TOMORROW!
OHHHHHMYYYYYYYGAAAAWWWWWWWWD!
eventhough it's not my baby, but i'm feeling so anxious. so excited.
treating his baby as my stepbaby!
yehaaaaaaa.
LOL
LOL!
goodnight.

2010-04-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

hello sakais.
i'm bored.
life's really shitty when you don't know what to do with your time.
i'm draining my body to its maxi already i suppose.
despite the fact that i'm exhausted,
for the first time i actually did not drag for my working hours to pass.
8 hours seems to me as if went for a movie with friends, had lunch & gone home.
you know why?
most probably because i'm working in front line today.
hell busy from 10am right up to 3pm woot.
i was really kelam kabut.
but what i really like about today,
there's a total of 16 persons dined in for their don't know what jamuan.
all 16 of 'em communicating without using words nor can they possibly hear what you said to 'em
i'm really impressed, you see.
sometimes i'd rather have friends who actually listen attentively to you as you speak.
friends who do not say a word about you when you turn your back.

maybe it's true that the colleagues you meet in the workplace are not the friends you meet in the school.
colleagues can never be a friend because majority are fakers. hypocrites & selfish.
it's not a hatred post, worry not.
my fault for trusting people too easily.
but at least i'm so grateful that someone actually tried to wake me up from the reality.
don't wanna elaborate too much on it.
makes me sick. LOL

on a bright side, hey hey we having new promotions next month onwards woot!
today we tried the triple passion, guava, passion fruit & don't know what mixed with the mango/orange juice & sprite. yummylicious!
& & also the smoked bbq sauce!
&&& the garlic bread. aiseh.. failure la that product. HAHA

just received a call. suddenly no mood to blog already. so ciao folks ;)

2010-04-21T10:54:00.000-07:00

i have been away for two days & tell you what, i have so much to write about!

we departed from ipoh as early as 6am & reached kuala kedah at 9plus.
took the ferry to langkawi & guess what, the sky decided to pour already once we arrived the terminal.
but i love the weather seriously.
at least my body don't get so sweaty. haha
so the students admin's head acted as a guide & brought us tour around the school.
if you ask me, i don't really like the place. LOL
met Jeevan & met the principal i guess, Captain Rana Ranjit.
Patrick was the one having conversation with him while his parents & i stood there smiling didn't know how to react to someone so prominent like him.
i feel so proud cos he shook hand with me & out of nowhere he looked at me & said "God Bless You".
but the best part was of cos when we shook hand again to say bye bye.
the Captain asked me "how's ur results in school?"
told him i only got average results.
then he replied saying "but you look brilliant" smiling at me.
waaaasai. hahahaha.
mmg suka perasan lebih. LOL
we took a cab to Kuah Town & shopped for chocolates, what else! ;D
took the 3.30pm ferry back to kuala kedah & headed straight to Penang after that.
so disappointed cos i couldn't find the Golla's Backpack.
sold out it seems.
better luck next time. sighs
the Fat Babi paid the full amount for his MacBook Pro
so jealousssssssssss! sighs. LOL
but he is getting his laptop somewhere around next week
out of stock it seems.
the new line selling like hotcakes huh?
but i'm telling you this fact,
i'm so in love with the MacBook Pro, like seriously wanna get it ASAP!
so perfect that this babe is driving me crazy! LOL

i thought i'm off on Wednesday.
received a morning call from Lalitha informing me to go to work at 1pm.
i was like WTH? i'm so sleepy.
so decided to go anyway cos negotiation with the boss failed it seems cos she complained that they manja me too much, today must work cos not enough people. so alright. dragged myself up & reached there 10 minutes early.
the boss decided to extend me 3 hours cos one backside hole decided to skip work today.
i did enjoy myself if you ask me.
cos you know what, let me tell you this one thing.
this morning i woke up feeling rather depressed cos everything's a mess.
i have had bad dreams.
i tore my newly bought pants.
then i thought of being a lil bit more hardworking & took the initiative to wash the glasses & plates all.
guess what happened? i broke the glass. took out the gloves immediately & be good, back to being a Server.
have got nothing to do seriously, so i decided to wash the cutleries.
my Supervisor asked me "Chan, nak cuba buat muffin?"
i was showing my teeth feeling so excited!!
received compliments from my boss saying the muffins look good *big grins
curi makan the freshly baked muffins; goddamn tasty!
having sore throat already.
later, the Supervisor asked me pulak "Chan, wanna try Roaster?"
i was like YESSSSSSSSSS!
guess what, the chickens make me sick!
but it was really fun seriously.
hide in the chiller to pour the rempah & all & the supervisor was telling me 'treat the chicken like your baby. now put the powder on your baby's back. i was like =___________="
next thing i knew, my fingers got so numbed i started to feel so uncomfortable already. not only numb, my ten fingers were cramping. washed with hot water & felt so relieved.
damn, i love my work ;)

2010-04-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

hello again,

*scratching head.

i'm getting more excited with each passing day..
i'm getting nearer to owning my baby!
still counting the days..

but the Fat Babi just called me & told me he's getting my baby next Tuesday when we're going down to Langkawi to check out his flying school. sooooooooo jealous!
but after that, shopping time! heaven's life! can shop for splatta chocolates with duty tax free & later, going down to Gurney's Plaza to shop for laptop's bag. waaaaaaaaa. can't wait seriously.

so today i've very much decided that on Monday when i see Ms. Shy i'm so gonna request to her i wanna be in the Assembly. no more Server! LOL. easier to kill time & less walking hours. tired of having to walk from one place to another when the place starts to get so crowded. oh btw, i'm so gonna join the Roasters Chicken Run. it seems fun. heh heh

p/s: guess what, Ms Mathevi aka my Restaurant Manager asked me about the scholarship thingy & the interview. i told her blah blah blah. & she started telling me she spoke to Mr Alan Loh the other day. i don't know what exactly but Ms Mathevi told me that Ms Esther, one of the interviewer during the Roasters Scholarship told her that i'm very cute. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA. so flattered! =p =p

2010-04-16T10:04:00.000-07:00

oh, & on a very unrelated note. i have something to share.

there's this family consists of father, mother, son & a baby boy dined in Kenny Rogers today.
they ordered a family meal.
they were happy & full.
so they decided to ask for the bills.
the best thing about the father,
he was so indulged into playing with his baby boy that he did not realize i was right behind him.
he put his two hands together and clasped them on the baby boy's neck.
STRANGLING HIM!
OMG!
when the father turned & looked at me nie,
he was so embarrassed
he moved his hands so fast
& everyone was laughing so loud.
weird father.
weird ways of playing with kids.

2010-04-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

i got the dream scholarship.
& i'm really excited about it!
thank You for helping me to achieve the impossible.
you know what i feel like doing?
i feel like hugging the Almighty so tight & telling Him how grateful i really am.

besides, i'm looking forward to turn my another dream into a reality in less than a month or two, perhaps.
i am getting my MacBook Pro reaaaaaaaaaal soon!
OMG.
seriously, this life of mine is so beautiful right now
i wish He would not withdraw it from me so soon using the same hand,
who has painted my life so beautifully.

;)