i need a dr.

dear dr.
may you suggest me a better way to get rid of all these unnecessary thoughts in mind?
positivity is contagious.
so does the opposite- negativity is indeed contagious too.
no matter how hard i try to remain happy & to touch the lives of the others,
but somehow or rather, it's the other way round.
i don't know how it happened,
but my heart doesn't feel right.
i wished i could do more as an individual to touch the lives of the people i cared for.
but if that is so, why does my heart struggling kao kao with my mind?
slowly it affects me to fall into the self-pity trap yet again.
i feel lonely again in the sea of people- people whom i call friends.
it feels like day one again, when i tried my every best to fit in with the new clique of friends.
yet no matter how hard i tried, i always feel this place is not where i can fit in perfectly.

i don't wanna be so busy body invading other people's life when i can't even take care of my own yet.

so dear God, please take away the sense of empathy from me.

when You blessed me with too much of it, somehow it has become a burden to me.

i miss the place called home.
i miss being the person i used to be.
not having to mind so much of every words that has been uttered has a tendency of hurting others.
& knowing everything i do will be judged by others.
i longed to be in the arms of my loved ones.
where i can just be myself singing my heart outs.
& to be loved the same no matter who i have become.
i need a lot of strength to get back up & to make everyday counts.
goodnight, everyone.
tomorrow will be a better day.
ka chiiiing ;D

I'm in love with this song all over again!

Grandma Post, Rest Assured

i don't know if the time is chasing after me or otherwise.
Mr July is killing me bits by bits.
time is ticking so s-l-o-w-l-y.
mygwad.
but on a second note,
assignments and exams are nearing but i have so little time left to prepare anything yet.

anyway, here's something i would really like to share with you readers in regards to my recent execution day in the Cafe. it was mind blowing & i  swear it is through this experience, i had gained so much. it opened up my mind to see things in a different perspectives.

we're given the theme Fashion to incorporate with Malaysian Cuisines as part of our group project.
so we came up with 1 Malaysia concept & the rest is history.
from planning, to organizing, to execution.
wow, we had a really tough times.
there was a period i got so stressed and frustrated cos my opinions contrast with my group members.
it was a tough trying time, really.
no matter how hard i tried to convince them it was a wrong verdict, nobody would listen to me.
but the truth slowly spoken for itself & we had to keep modifying our proposal.
but through this trials & errors, i've noticed my two biggest weaknesses.

communication & confidence in myself.

i failed to convey my message & to communicate well with them.
patience is what i need to learn.
i doubt my own opinions & too often than not, changed my decisions based on what others say/ think.
i should have trusted in myself & stand firm to what i believe in, cos if i don't.
how could i convince others to trust in me?

here come's the day we've been waiting for.
15/7/2011, Friday.
heavy rains early in the morning.
i broke the eyeliner & tore my pants.
the private room suppose to be opened up for our operation day, but Mr Ikram decided to use it anyway.
so we had no choice but to cram all tables in the cafe like sandwiches.
in addition to that, cutleries were missing.
the day before our execution day, we counted & we have had more than sufficient cutleries to run the operation, but on Friday itself, all of them decided to go MIA.
good thing, we hid some of the cutleries in the cabinet.
ran here and there asked for cafe's cutleries & ended up no choice, but to borrow from Sampling's.
everything was in a mess.
i was worried sick.
only god knows how much i prayed for everything to fall into place to ensure a smooth operation.
i know we can't afford to screw up this whole event cos if we really did, i'll be the main reason behind it.
the burden i had to carry on my shoulder almost drown me.
behind my big smiles, only god knows how afraid i was.

anyway, to make long story short.
we aimed for RM3k sales.
Mr Ikram bet RM10 to motivate us to reach RM2.5k revenues.
well, guess what.
we won the bet yet again,
but we couldn't reach the target sales.
even if we did reach, i wouldn't be too proud of it,
cos i knew i could have done a better job than this.
now to reflect on it again, i still have so much to learn & there's always room for improvements i believe.
everything was so last minute & i wasn't fully geared for this big day.
i forgotten to brief my team on so many freaking details.
but the only thing that really upset me was the fact we couldn't serve friends that has made a guaranteed reservation & had already bought tickets from us.
we have to turn down roughly about 20 guests & i felt so guilty for i was the one persuaded them to come and support us, but it turned out to be this ugly.
no more assumptions next time.
i should have checked with the kitchen prior to our operation & communicate with them beforehand, but i assumed everything was according to what i planned.
the consequences?
i made a fool out of myself & had to disappoint so many guests.
there's not enough main course to be served.
everyone was complaining & i had to split myself into pieces to multitask.
Berjaya Immersion Methadology.
it did work on me & i'm glad i had such an eye opening experience.
it's something i would always reflect on again and again.
despite all that, i would really wanna thank the service team for putting such a tremendous good job & without them, this event wouldn't even be near to success.
i couldn't believe i have gone this far in life doing things i wouldn't have thought i could have done.
it's been a crazy ride, really.

these are our masterpieces & i'm telling you, i'm so proud of our final products. it's so near to perfection in my eyes.

this concludes my day. goodnight!
angry bird's presentationssssss tomorrow!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
cant wait for weekends to arrive & i'll be free like a bird! LOL