i wished you knew.
i wished i could lower my expectations.
so there's no more heartbreaks, no more disappointments.
hate that i'm being such a drama queen.
hate that i never learnt to appreciate what i already have
& always demanding for more and more.
damn, i'm such a drama queen. ;p

i am blessed

not a day spent without me saying how blessed i am, really.
despite the fact that, i do complain most of the time.
recently, i found out a friend of mine; who has a big heart that touched me.
leaving me clueless, thinking. wow, such a good person really does exist eh?
i found someone i really look up to and respect.
for his selfless acts & his ways of defining who he truly is.
have much respect for this man
& i am truly blessed to have him as my role model
to learn and  to grow as a person.

i need to blog

i find it so hard to express myself fully since this is a public blog.
now that it's privatized..
here's the thing i would like to rant over and over again.
i don't know how many times had i remind myself to hold my tongues,
in fact i had already lost count on how many times had i made the same mistake over and over again.
i guess it's me; i tend to over exaggerate or thinking too much,
but it is something i can't avoid.
whatever they said, the way they look at me; stabs me right in the heart..
i feel so ashamed. like a fool.
i should just shut the fuck up really.
sukwai, pls be strong.
mind your own business & stop minding theirs.
do you think they care? the answer is obvious NO.
whatever dramas they wana create, whoever they wana backstab or gossip; just close your ears pls.
i have had enough of all this already.
spacing myself is not a good idea, but guess i'm really better off without anyone.
i'm a loner in this place & acceptance is what i gotta learn.
concentrate on better things pls.
study hard suk wai,
stop procrastinating.

heavy hearted

this time i don't wanna go back for real.
wana stay in ipoh longer & spend more time with people that matters.
a friend of mine once told me "no matter how hard you try to blend in, if you cant mix with them, means you can't"
really, there's no need for me to try any harder anymore isn't it?
i feel weak most of the time.
& i'm prompt to thinking how useless i am at times,
thinking whatever i do or say, is of no use.
people don't listen nor do they appreciate my effort either.
because i failed being a person.
to think as a person & to act like one.
i wana be home! ;'(