fuhgeddaboudit!

just came back from the formation team weekend.
it was great having to meet all the rest again.
human's rights.
haha. funny
my mind is disturbed.
i did not even know why i allowed myself to do it, but i did it.
i did not know what's on my mind,
but all i know i made another mistake yet again.
shouldn't have done it. shouldn't be that way. shouldn't be too carried away.
but well, take it as an exposure and to remind myself never allow myself to commit the same mistake again.
that should be fine.
suddenly i feel that it is as if i have betrayed myself. LOL
suddenly i feel i did something really terrible behind my mum's back
suddenly i feel i've sinned.
hahaha
what a funny statement.
maybe i need to embrace romance in its every incarnation.

and as i woke up, mum came to me and said she'll be leaving to Sabah in a month or so.. most probably somewhere in late April.
why must it be that everytime when i am up to something important the next day, she would come telling me all these nonsense?
why must she choose to tell me today?
why must she made me feeling this blue out of a sudden?
i've been trying so hard to focus, having that ohm to finally at least study a lil'.. but now..
my studying mode is off completely.
i don't even know what i'm feeling right now.
i showed no expression, but deep inside it's hurting.
i just don't know how to show it.
maybe got too used to it that somehow i got numbed everytime i'm faced with adversitites.
what's the point of giving me so much of money when you know that's not what i want?
what's the point of asking me to take care of myself when you know that's not what i want to hear?
what's the point of telling me you'll be coming back early when you leave me all alone at home?
what's the point of trying to tell you how i feel when i know i'll put you in a dilemma?
what's the point of telling others about how you feel when all they can do is being the best counselor telling you the best thing in the world, when in fact it makes no difference whether to say it out loud or not? it doesn't help to ease the pain a lil'
when all i want in the world is to escape from this bloody earth and escape to another planet, knowing i have nothing to worry about?
see nothing, hear nothing, speak nothing.
i don't know what i want right now,
i don't know what i should be doing right now though i know exactly i should be studying now.
why waste your time reading when you don't understand?
the only people i can rely to right now is just Him, i realize.
He'll show me the way, hopefully.
get rid of this miserable feeling i'm having once more.
get rid of this gastric pain i'm having, enough of heartache..
#)*@&$^#@%$@&)*$^@*#
*praying hard