Friendship for granted

Funny how the one that care, you take for granted.
Funny how the one that you care, take you for granted.

Funny to admit someone love you unconditionally, and yet you do not know how to appreciate it at all.
Funny to admit someone you love unconditionally, and yet he does not know how to appreciate it at all.

Life is a circle. what you do to others, you'll get it back in the end. Trust me.

Funny how i used to have a friend, let's name her achOo who might be the only person that truly cares for me and yet i find her annoying. i used to. i did not appreciate her existence coz i thought she was some kind of freak who has got no life besides bugging ma life 24/7. How narrow minded was i? Back then, i did not know it was love. What it was like to care for someone and not expecting any in return. Now i know. i really know.

Many times in life, we gotta experience and been thru the situation ourself to truly understand how it feels like when someone said I'm hurt. I'm heartbroken and I'm in despair.

Funny to admit i cared for a friend more than i could ever imagine. She's the only girl i treated more than a sister. Someone i don't mind sacrifice all ma time and energy just to be there for her. I'm not obsessed with her, although i thought i was.

NO! I AM NOT!

i told maself, if i keep believing in it, eventually she would treat me like how i treated her. i acted completely foolish in front of her; just like a small girl craving for the parents' attention. All i asked of her was to spend a lil' time of hers on me; and yet..

funny..

Maybe i cared too much..
and i expected too much..

I'm tired. really tired of giving and not receiving any in return. i just want someone to show his appreciation; that all the efforts i've done all this while does not go in vain. that i'm being appreciated. i want to be loved. i want to have the attentions of all the people i care for. i don't care if i acted like a small kid whining and making a fuss when the parents rejected all her insane' requests. maybe i am selfish. i ain't achOo. and i'll never be her. she's the most selfless friend i've ever met and i'm indeed one of the luckiest person to have her as my friend, till today.

God is fair. He knew i've lost too much in life, that i cant afford to lose anymore. i can't resist the existence of God, even though i tried not to believe in it. But He did prove to me and showed me- the real wonders of the world. =)

i read this sumwhere;

NOBODY IS PERFECT UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM.

When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form......flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship.

Under all this, the pillar of true love stands......and that's our life. Love, not words win arguments...

Sometimes we expect far too much of the people around us, and because no one can ever live up to those expectations, we are almost always disappointed.

Wouldn't it be better if we just let go, and let people be who they are? Then we'd be able to see them as they are -- with all their beauty and goodness in which we take joy, and with all their faults which we can also see in ourselves.

When we have put someone up on a pedestal, sculpturing them to fit our needs and desires by smoothing out the rough edges and creating new curves here and there, we cannot see the real person underneath our work. All we see is the illusion we have created. That is denying the person's real identity and is disrespectful.

It's much better for our friends and for ourselves if we drop our expectations and illusions, and accept them all just the way they are.

Whether we realize it or not, everyone we know is very special to us.

The most important thing to remember is... Always appreciate the friends that you have.

A fight may come and go very easily, but a friendship could last forever.

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

☺

i've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there's always two sides.

i've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person i want to be.

i've learned that it's alot easier to react than it is to stop and think.

i've learned that you either control your attitude, or it controls you.

i've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had,
and what you've learned from them, than how many birthdays you've celebrated.

i've learned that quality is more important than quality when it comes to friends.

i've learned that it isn't enough to be forgiven by others.
sometimes you just have to learn how to forgive yourself.

i've learned that no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world won't stop for you.

i've learned that backgrounds and circumstances might have influenced who you are,
but we are responsible for the people we become.

i've learned that you can't make somebody love you.
all you can do is be somebody who can be loved.

i've learned that the word 'love' has many meanings, but it loses value when over-used.
and most importantly,
i've learned that no matter how old or wise you think you are, life never stops teaching.

Lots of events happened recently, that makes me realized so many things which i never seemed to bother at all.

How to put it in words..

I kind of having a row with ma friend which is the weirdest thing of all. I mean, it's just a simple issue but heck, we're no longer talking to each other. funny aite? I'm so tired being the one moving the first step, apologizing. sumhow i learnt not to retreat if it's not ma fault, in any sense. when you're being soft, others labelled you with all kind of names. but if you dont, they said you're a real meanie and hated you for that.

sumtimes i wish others be more like me, and less like them...

but i dont wish to see another clone of me either.

I'm sick of all the sweet promises, coz it is meant to be broken. i have friends promised me with everything, but when i need someone just to be there to listen to all ma doubts. i can count 'em with one finger. when you are in the deepest valley, you know how magnificent it is when you're on top of the world.

sometimes what you think it is ought to be a total different thing if you choose to speak your mind. ma friend once said Telling the truth is a loving act; till today i still stick with this principle coz i find many truths in the saying.

Seriously, i once thought i have no one to talk to. i was so depressed that i almost give up the term 'friendship'. what are friends for when in times of need they vanish in thin air? I chose to confess everything out and set ma mind that after today, i would stop giving and sharing. and who give a damn if i have no friends. i could care less what others gona say or to think about me.
When i really confessed everything out;

I WAS WRONG! COMPLETELY WRONG

there's still many peeps that truly care for you, just the matter of whether they know it or not. and that's where i realized the power of confession. how could i be so self-centred expecting ma friends MUST be there for me..

personally, i do think if they know you're having doubts and yet pretending they know nothing at all, it's time to reconsider what kind of friend you should grade 'em.

Maybe i should just keep ma expectations lower, and accept the fact that not everyone is lucky enough to found a best friend. and I'm not sure of maself, but i do think i found two. they don't happen to be there when i need them just like when they need someone to stand firm with 'em, i failed to be there. but i can say Indeh and Ain, both make a difference in ma life. The miraculous beauty of this friendships is something i'll hold on to.

But i guess there's some truth which is best not to be spoken out. it's best to remain as a secret. it's funny how i used to think maself as the kinda girl who'll say whatever in ma mind not bothering others' feelings, for if i dont say everything out, i feel bad for maself.

i remember i make two of ma closest friends cried because of some stupid truths which i thought they should know. Ended up, i screwed up everything.

and i even confessed to a friend about ma feelings. what i thought supposed to be turned up exactly the opposite. our friendship partially ruined because of this. if only i could take back what i said.

all this while, whatever i hope for i would definitely get it. maybe i take this privilege for granted, i never seemed to understand how it feels like to be rejected. now i've been through it, for the first time i know how it feels like to be heartbroken.

i think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.