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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Reflection on What I Have Learned

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't know how to appreciate it. 
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, & only seconds to destroy it. 
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. 
I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it. 
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.  
I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.


I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. 
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you. 
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. 
I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice. 
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
 


I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. 
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.  
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had & what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. 
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. 
I've learned that our background & circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.


I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your perception towards others.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get farther in life. 
I've learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.    
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe. 


I've learned that nice people are often not good people & good people are often not nice people.
I've learned that never to trust anyone 100% because humans are not perfect and will never be, you can only be cautious.
I've learned that the best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
Sekian. LOL

For You.

     Happy Birthday to my dearest, Ain Farra! 
   It’s your birthday time again;
It’s true; there’s no denying,
Another year has come and gone;
You know that I’m not lying. 
So for you, the birthday person,
Here’s what I want to say:

God gave a gift to the world when you were born;a person who loves, who cares,
who sees a person’s need and fills it,
who encourages and lifts people up,
who spends energy on others
rather than herself,
someone who touches each life she enters,
and makes a difference in the world.
I hope this 21st birthday’s the best one yet,
In every delightful way.
May the love you have shown to others
return to you, multiplied.
I wish you the happiest of birthdays,
and many, many more,
so that others have time to appreciate you as much as I do, although i do not say or show it to you often anymore.but you know i care for you.
deep inside, there's no one like you that impacted my life as much as you do.
you showed me what friendship is really about,
to care without expectations.
& thank you for holding on to this friendship despite how self-absorbed i was.thank you for everything you are to me.you are irreplaceable, please note that.
i love you from the bottom of my heart.So happy birthday to you.Have lots of birthday fun!May your birthday wishes all come true!
Hoping that your day will be as special as you are.
God bless you!
Best Wishes, Suk Wai 

Monday, August 22, 2011

back to the topic Trust, my friend recommended a really good post from Xiaxue

the entire article in purple is taken from http://xiaxue.blogspot.com/2011/06/trust.html . 
LOL

Everytime that I'm with my friends without Mike being there, if I call him I often ask suspiciously where he is, what he is doing, and whether he is cheating on me.

And without fail anyone who overhears my conversation will be like "OMG how can you not trust your own husband?"

LOL. I don't. Why should I? Name me ONE upside to blindly trusting ANYBODY. And my attitude has nothing to do with Mike. I'd explain.

Just look at all those who have suffered from being cheated upon. What do they say?

They say things like...

"I can't believe he would do this to me."

"I can't believe he has been sleeping with her for 4 freaking months and I didn't even know! How was I so blind and stupid?"

"All those times he said he was on a company dinner there was no dinner! I believed him for 18 freaking times and he went prostituting ALL THOSE TIMES!"


and most commonly of all...


"I can't believe I trusted him."


And this doesn't just apply to cheating. What about all those girls with sex tapes leaked out by their ex boyfriends? You think they are stupid and they trusted the wrong dudes? That your partner will NEVERdo that to you? That you are the clever one? Wake up. I've seen the MOST unlikely men cheat.

Cecilia Cheung trusted Edison Chen to never show the close-up shots of her long-haired vagina to anyone. And there is it, on the net, forever. Sure he didn't mean to distribute it - but if she never trusted that he could safekeep it forever, this would never have happened to her.

So back to me and my attitude towards trust. It seems silly to me that people put so much heart into that little word. They say "He would never hurt me. I just know. trust him. "

And I think... So what if you don't? Is it a bad thing, really? Is that supposed to be an insult on his character? Is he supposed to be ANGRY?

Nothing to be angry about what. Everyone needs to safeguard their self-interests.

You say you trust someone... To what extent do you do that? Do you give him your bank password? Would you let him do a video tour of your genitalia? Would you place him and Megan Fox on a deserted island with a condom? Probably not. Nobody trusts ANYBODY that much, unless they are completely naive.

As for me, I trust that Mike will never choose a banana over an orange. Because he hates bananas and these things don't change. I'm willing to put a $1,000 bet on it. But probably not my whole fortune.

I trust (not 100% but maybe 95%) that Mike will not, for example, see a girl at some event and go ask for her phone number. Because I know his character is shy and he is afraid someone might see him do this and report to me. But if he is drunk... Who knows? 

Trust is such a funny thing. People always say it needs to be earned, needs to be built. 

After some time of interacting with something, certain things can be depended on.

Like I trust that my blackberry will push my emails on time because it has never once failed to do it in 2 years. I trust that my McChicken will taste the same as it has always tasted.

Over the course of 5 years, never once has Mike flirted back with girls who show interest in him, whether online or in real life. Yet I don't trust that he would never cheat on me. Why?

1) People change. Today he is madly in love with you. Tomorrow he is bored. The next day he is bored AND drunk. Day after that he is bored, drunk, horny and had a fight with you. Who knows? The only thing you can depend on is... People change with time. Even if their personalities remain identical, their feelings towards you might change.

2) Circumstances change. Sure, in these 5 years Mike has never met a girl he liked so much he is willing to give up everything with me. Tomorrow... Who knows? If he meets and gets to know 1,000,000 girls, there has got to one he finds is better than me, no matter how much he loves me. Right?

3) Consequences are bigger. And this is the best reason not to trust that your partner will not stray. CONSEQUENCES. It is my fucking heart at stake here! And my marriage! It is easy to trust when the consequences are small. I pay $2 to my usual chicken rice stall because I trust it will be yummy as always. Not yummy no big deal, I'd buy from another stall - net loss $2 and some time. 


But if I believe Mike will never stray, when he does, I'm gonna be fucked. 

You are shaking your head, thinking, "You dumb blonde, even if you don't trust, either way you are fucked. If it happens it happens!"

You are wrong. Sure, I'd still be heartbroken. But wait...


Prevention is better than cure

I know I've mentioned this many times.

When you remain vigilant about your partners actions, you are working hard to PREVENT him from committing a mistake. He knows you are checking his phone - there goes flirty smses. He knows you have all his passwords - can't woo girls online.

If you know where he is every minute, he can't go to a hotel without arousing your suspicion. Sure he can work his way around all these but it is hard work. That's another deterrent. If he is willing to do all that to cheat, so be it. But I sure won't make it easy for him.

He wants to go to a dirty KTV bar with his gross colleague. He swears he won't do anything with the girls there. Put your foot down and don't allow! You want to trust he won't get a hooker or prevent him from meeting one? Which has worse consequences? Explain to him why it makes you uncomfortable, then placate him with a blowjob.

And if you find out some chick is mildly interested, you confront her, shame her, threaten her. You puff up your feathers and make sure she knows you will not go in peace. Worse come to worst you be nice to her so she gets so guilty she stops her nonsense.

When you are so suspicious, won't it piss him off?


If he has nothing to hide, he would not get angry. Obviously I don't do my routine checking in an awful way. I just log in to his fb, take up his phone to read when he is sleeping. He doesn't even know. If your man gets annoyed, it is the first sign that he IS possibly cheating on you. Maybe not full out cheating, but flirting, yes. Or that he wants to be able to. He is probably hiding something. Am I paranoid? Maybe. But from personal dating experience, those demanding privacy and space are the exact ones who are cheating.

Mike has never once got angry with me when I checked his phone or facebook. "Go ahead," he says. "You are just wasting your time." And he is right, I was. And he reads my shit too, in case you think this only goes one way.



Cheating is just like cancer - you want to win it, you've got to find out early. Half the battle is won when you kill the sapling before it turns into a full grown weed, throttling your relationship. 

If he is just at the "getting to know" stage with some girl - you find out, you have a talk with him to resolve things. Make sure he won't see her again. You want to wait till he is in love? Too late.

If he is already sleeping with someone else, when you find out you can plan your next step. If you are married, you can hire a PI - submit evidence to court and get half his fortune. Cease sleeping with him in case you get some disease. Cut off his penis. Or forgive him, depending on the severity of his crime.

Why, do you want to wait till he had an affair for months and impregnated the slut before you say "OMGWTFBBQ KILL ME NOW MY KID HAS A STEP SIBLING AND I HAVE AIDS"?

Some of you might be saying... Why work so hard to prevent that seems unavoidable? If he cheats, he won't be worth it anyway.

Rubbish. ALL men would cheat if there are no consequences. I sincerely believe that. Some don't because they don't wanna hurt us. Some because they are scared of losing us. Some because of kids, social ramifications, anything.

Most commonly of all, men cheat because they made a mistake, thinking with their penis, enjoying the attention - THINKING THEY WON'T BE CAUGHT.


And when you blindly trust, that's when they are most certain they will never get caught.


Every few days I remind Mike how his life will be like if he is dumb enough to cheat. And I WILL find out. Money be gone/he will never find someone as good as me again/penis cut etc. Just in case he forgets.


I'm sure a lot of you don't agree with my school of thought, saying, "You must be all sad, paranoid and worrisome all the time. That's not how love is supposed to be like. I pity Mike."

LOL duncha worry. Mike and I are happy and in love.

Obviously I *do* trust him because he is a good man with principles. But just not enough to 1) fully believe he will NEVER cheat and 2) not do my best to try to prevent it from happening.

If the day comes and he strays, I'd say "Oh well at least I tried my best. And at least I was not duped for ages."

What do you think? Do you trust your partner?

Those of you who got cheated on, did you trust your partner? Do you still trust now?
-------------------------------------------
Trust is a big question mark here.
some would agree while some would think otherwise.
as i read this post, i couldn't agree more.
however it is always easier said than done, no?
i don't know how about others,
but my definition of trust would be a lil' dumb to others.
i don't usually trust guy, but when i do i'm almost certain i would give my all even though it'll never be 100%.
trusting a person is like opening your heart to others and giving them the chance to hurt you. 
the vulnerable you.
it's about taking risks and taking chances. 
but if you don't, you'll never experience love.
whenever choices are being made, no question being asked.
i'll always follow my heart.
i trust where my instincts lead me, & yes you might say i never use my brain to think.
i do think about it, but there are certain things in life where there's no such thing as sound judgment would be the wisest of all or as such.
there's no such thing as right or wrong decision.
wrong can be made right, as long as you know that's the right thing to do despite whatever others tellings you not to.
at the end of the day, you are answerable to yourself and not others.
the decision made will affect your life and not others.
as long as you don't live with regrets, wrong decision in other's eyes can be a right one for yourself.
& in my 21 years of being a human, there's only 1 man i trust with my all although not 100% but i trust him. & no, that man is not my father. i don't trust my own biological father. 
& yes, i'm taking the risk. no more playing safe & no more following the rules.
i was brought up with the background where no man is ever loyal nor can a man ever be trusted,
but i've chosen my path. 
i choose to know who's worth the pain. 
i don't know if i'll ever get back up if things go wrong between us in the future.
i'm not certain myself.
but i choose to trust him.
i'll only follow where my heart leads me to.
sometimes i do made the wrong choice and regret about it,
but to look back & constantly living in regrets is really not cool.
life goes on.
what a person can do is to change his perception.
look at the brighter side of misfortunes that happened 
& slowly, before you know it.
the truth unfolding itself before your very own eyes.
there's always cause and effect to why things happened.

my perfect two weeks in ipoh

my perfect day would be to spend time with my loved ones,
laughing at the slightest things of life,
basically doing nothing.
i am the master of bel far niente, after all. ;D
the entire two weeks, i felt so calm and relaxed despite the fact that i was cut off from the internet world.
my holidays was perfect to the core.
and i can't wait to be home again.

however, there's two things i need to put in more efforts to change for the betterment of myself.
respect. and. patience.
i need to learn to be more patience with my nagging mum and to respect her as a mother to me.
sometimes, child like me can't help but to answer back rudely.
i'm an arsehole, seriously.

another thing, i have to get rid of procrastination cells in my body & replacing it with positive attitudes.
determination and i need to have a well-planned schedule for my study. no more studying last minute already.
thank you angry bird, for being such a mad bird to trigger the fire within me to fight against you, to prove to you with my results for this new semester. i'll show it to you & yes, i need to work on my fear against you too!

Monday, August 8, 2011

racing with time

ahoy there!
i have only less than 30 minutes before boarding the bus back to home sweet home
& alot of things' been going through my mind like crazy.
just cant wait to pour it out & share with you guys.

kindness.
do you know a small act of kindness could make a huge difference in someone's life?
by holding your tongue before allowing these flow of thoughts to escape through your mouth, does impact/ affect someone's day.
by choosing to speak only the goddess of others and not hurting one another with mean words.
by being kind to one another, helping each other and showing concerns could just lighten up somebody's day. do you know that?
uncle van called me up early in the morning to tell me he bought cake for me to bring back hometown.
the girl i've loathed to see her face took the initiative to talk to me, just three words.
but it made my day & changed my perception, slightly. but i still don't like seeing her face thou. HAHA.
it's strange how an act of kindness touches a person's heart, ain't it?

maybe i'll continue some other day when i remember more details of what i am about to write on trust.

gtg.

bla bla bla

i don't know how much brain cells have been damaged.
my heart beating like an SOS drum non stop.
so much drama in two weeks
and imma sum it up in two words, eye-opening experience.
first was with someone's close to me went missing without noticed. couldn't reach. no news nothing.
that was my first heart attack.
then the same night, first time seeing this friend of mine cried a river.
it breaks my heart knowing the least i could do is to give her a big hug and that's all. the problem remains unsolved.
the same night again, another friend of mine decided to go MIA in the wee hours.
that was my second heart attack.
& i noticed clubbing is not and will never be my thing.
this will be my first and last time.
i hate this place, but seeing the birthday girls having the time of their lives, it paid off.
i actually have to thank them for giving me the chance to open up my eyes to the real world outside.
the place i have always been so reluctant to go because i was afraid.
tonight i have seen things i have never seen before, 
& it opens up my eyes, my mind and most importantly my heart to the people i thought i knew..
never judge a book by its cover.
that's all i could say.
it's not as kind as i thought the life out there was.
scary world out there i would say & i'm glad i reached home safe & sound.
also, i've noticed good and bad sides of homosapiens.
homosapiens who really cares
and homosapiens who only take advantage of you.
of all my life confronting my friends,
never have i encountered such a dramatic; near to death experience. i was doomed. totally.
this is my third time getting heart attack of the semester.
however, if you ask me if i had a good time? my answer would be a definite YESSSSSSS, it was a crazy but fun ride yo! ;D
this sums up my first year of degree.
now my holiday begins and i cant wait to be back, to the place i belong.
still have some packings to do & goddddddd, i'm starving now already.
good day everyone!
hope everyone is in good health, sound mind and etc la.
god bless.
pls take care of the people i cared for. shower them with positive thoughts in mind & carpe diem!

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.
- Grandma Moses



Life is too short to wake up in the mornings with regrets. So love the ones who treat you right, forget the ones who don’t. Remember that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it, if it changes your life, then let it. No one said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.


ciao!