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Friday, January 21, 2011

Desperado.

what breaks me is not because i acted like a bitch,
but the fact that i have no one to talk to, to be trusted and to be listened to.
i have so much in mind but i just don't know who to talk to.
many claims to be my number one listener, but were you really the one?
i had such a time, where tears already waiting to burst out.
but when i really did try to loosen myself, somehow it got stuck somewhere in my throat.
i dont care if nobody ever likes me, nobody pays attention to me.
but you, being the special one. supposed to be the special one, where the hell are you when i really needed you?
i can tolerate with you when you said you have no time for me, because it's understandable.
i still can take it even if there's no sweet lovey message just to wish me goodnight.
but i can't take it when you can't even be with me when i feel like shit.

whatever that is, i don't wana let anyone be my reason to feel upset or to be hurt anymore.
from this moment onwards, it's gonna be me before others & not the other way round.
i'm still gonna be me whether you love me or hate me,
i don't wana be the good person anymore. so if you don't like me, just leave!
cos i just get so tired of this pleasing game where i tried every possible ways to make sure other people's needs are being attended to before myself, but i think that's enough really.
i felt being treated like crap. like a trash where they used you & throw you away.

i'll make sure i score well in my studies & nothing else shall come before my studies for the time being. i wana be the reason my mum shed her tears saying she's so proud of what i have achieved and yet to achieve in life.

setbacks build me up somehow.

dear diary,
thank you, really.
i feel so much better now.
xoxo

Sunday, January 9, 2011

لسّلام عليكم (peace be upon you)

Hola back!

looking back at the year 2010, http://sukwai.blogspot.com/2010/01/dum-spiro-spero.html
my resolutions had been a success except for one which i did not achieve.. will bring forward to this year though =p

so here's the brand new list of new year resolutions i wished to accomplish before the year ends. *showing rabbit's teeth.

#1. Getting rid of the lazy hormones- Procrastination
procrastinate only leads to hell. but i pledge not to get rid of this habit completely, but to try to lessen it. heh heh


#2. To Get Myself O'ganized 
im infamous for being so very the careless, messy or whatever you wana call it.. but if i managed to achieve my #1 resolutions, this wouldn't be a problem, no? great start already, just keep up with the good work! oosh

#3 Be the opposite of Spendthrift, they called it the miser-? with a "y" at the back of it which spells complete MISERY
im working on it already alright? the aim for this year is to save at least RM500 in the bank. yes! pray hard that during the process of saving more money, i do not break my piggy bank for emergencies use. ;D


#4. Read More Books
i have few novels pending & shouting for my attention. too busy at the moment being a procrastinator but i pledge to change. to spend more time on quality readings than staring at the blank screen thinking what to do next. LOL. speaking of which, Twenties Girl has been my wish-list since last year, but i know i'll be laying my hands on you sooner!

wishing the entire human folks have a blessed year ahead!
& specially dedicated to my friends, my o'frens, where art thou? keep in touch!
on a Sunday evening, my only task at hand is to kill every ants that came across my vision.
i've had killed at least hundreds of these tiny bits for the past hours.
such a meanie.

sighs.

boring Sunday.

cant wait to resume class on Monday!

more updates when i finally succeeded in entertaining my new whole chapter of my very own story.

adios amigos.