sometimes i wonder if it's ma own fault that others treating me the way i dont' wish to be treated at.
funny when you are so sure of yourself, ended up you dont even know who you are anymore.
i'm not perfect. and i don't want to act like one.
i'm afraid of ma ownself when i see the true colour of maself which i never seemed to show it to the world.
i got confused thou
and i always thought when a girl in love, they're the happiest creature ever alive.
but.. i dont feel that way
i am not sure whether the feeling is true or if it's virtual..
but it hurts so badly..
i used to think egoistic people is cool, im like playin the hard-to-get game, but now i find it weird. i hate it.

heck, i have difficulties in expressing maself now

i believe everything happened for a reason.
i really do believe in the existence of God now.

Allow Your Own Inner Light to Guide You

There comes a time when you must stand alone.

You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams.

You must be willing to make sacrifices.

You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved.

Sometimes, familiarity and comfort need to be challenged.

There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities.

Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better.

Be confident enough that you won't settle for a compromise just to get by.

Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself the opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life.

Don't stand in someone else's shadow when it's your sunlight that should lead the way.

i feel so guilty and i feel so bad. i have got all the tips sent to me, but still i was like nevermind. trials only. i'll go all out in ma real SPM. today was ma chemistry paper. seriously, i didn't even touch ma chemistry book. not even last minute preparation. i wanted to tell ma friends that, but what's the point of telling when others won't even care and they might just get irritated. c'monla. who'll believe such nonsense, you didn't study? you're tryna tell the whole world that you didn't study yet still can score in the subjects. i don't know what is holding me back; may it be because there's left roughly about 2 more papers to go, that's why I'm acting this way or maybe because i really don't care. i don't know.
but i was so lucky. the questions that came out was exactly the amount of things i read in ma book. i hope this is not the end of it, may it stick with me till ma SPM, then i am one of the luckiest ass ever!
sometimes,, i find it extremely weird. it is like why when you really give all out, try your best to get the thing you desire, you wont get it whereas when you seriously don't give a damn about it, and you don't even have to put in any effort, but you'll get the thing. funny isn't it?

owhh..currently, i seriously hated the way she boasted. i hate it when she said 'owh. you have to thank me coz i give you the tips. it's because of me.'
c'monlah. i dont know, but before that i was so thankful that she gave me the tips, and i wanted to tell her that. but when i was about to say it, she boasted like some kind of proud chick. i hate it! i hate it!

what i learn, one's gotta be really carefully with what they speak. i know ma mouth stink, i'll try to brush it more often with colgate

another thing proven

Your Inner Blood Type is Type A

You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy. You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself. Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in. People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal. You are most compatible with: A and AB Famous Type A's: Britney Spears and Hilter

What's Your Inner Blood Type?


Now i finally trust the DNA report. They said i have a blood group A+, and this quiz.. lol.. funny

one desire.one dream.one destiny

the title best describes what i want to write now.

i don't know how and why, but it strikes me today.

i want to travel! i want to get out of this holy place! i need a break! and i want to go to Japan!!

out of nowhere, i have this thought of going somewhere far and seriously i need a long break after studying for like since-don't-know-when-ming's dynasty-i-guess. it's time to spread ma wings right after ma SPM exams!

i was so happy discussing with ma friend about it and i even phoned ma mum's god daughter, (who is actually ma god sista as well) to ask for her opinions. the first thing she said was


" It's good you have such planning. For now concentrate in your studies, then grab any chance to work and finally reward yourself with a trip. Set your mind, and go all out for it. i'll support you. "



it's good to know that someone is there for you and support you. but then, when you are about to spread your wings, someone comes and breaks your wing. what hurts the most is the one you thought would have supported you ended up being so passive about it.


"LOL. Waa, stop dreaming so big la"

The moment i stared at her and said " i'm using ma own money, why can't i go japan? i'm not dreaming. i'll make sure it'll turn into a reality. just wait and see."

BANG.

i could see her expression changed from 0 to 360 degrees! instead of finding it funny, she was so guilty! HAHA

i'm not blabbering nonsense here. can't she believe that it is possibly true i might achieve what i want in the future? c'monla, have faith in me. maybe i used to be a spoilt brat, but not anymore. i'm 17, for heaven sake and after years of learning the rules of life, i think i'm strong enough to stand on ma own small feet. why can't she let me try, for once?

i hate it when she keeps complaining about me not being matured enough to take up responsibility, but when i really did try, she refused to let me go being afraid i might not be able to cope up with it. her intention was good, but that's not the way. i would never learn then.

i've set ma mind. by hook or by crook, next year april i must go japan. i don't care if i have to sacrifice not buying a handphone or not going for the kem cabaran. or whether i have to starve maself in school or to help ma mum in the stall every weekend. as long as i get the paid and collect the amount of money i want, that's it!

the experience is something worth sacrificing for. besides, i can prove one thing to ma mum, i'm not only good in talk the talk, but i'm determined to walk the talk. if there's such thing as walk the walk, i'm going to prove to all you who said i can't. besides, i need to work on ma diet. graduation coming! i have to lose weight. i MUST lose weight! =)



there's one thing i love most about ma sista. she's the most understanding person and no matter what ma decision is, she'll support me. besides, she often do things at the appropriate time and she's the most loving sista ever!

i just cant wait to grow up and repay ma family with the best thing i could afford, for they deserve it!



Quotes to share: Following our dreams almost always requires us to take chances. There is no guarantee that we will succeed in our venture. But if we don't try, we will never know how far we can go.

You can if you think you can- board of wisdom 5/9/07

word of d day: benevolent =)