life is a cabaret

i just realize my recent posts sounded so pathetic.
i don't know why.
maybe that's the inner me slowly revealing its truest potentials. haha
sweat.

many things had happened over the past few days, which i failed to recall any of it.
all i remember, yesterday was really fantastic.
for the first time in my life, i witnessed a 'kebakaran', a fire burning i reckon? hahah
i was so excited that it was as if i was in the movie, being a good citizen dialled the number 999 reporting what i seen. i mean the babi was conversing with the police and i was busy recording. just so funny.
but all i could say, Polis Diraja Malaysia is really hopeless. useless. all the less in the world.
no fire brigade came to pour out the fire. not even a bangkai there. real bangsat. bengang only mentioned them. bengong betoi.

and today, well i don't really know what happened to me.
suddenly the world is spinning too fast before my eyes.
i wanted to go home so badly, but as usual couldn't even reach my mum's handphone.
i really don't wanna make myself sounded so pathetic, but i coudn't stop myself.
no matter how emotionless i make myself seems to be,
the soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears
i'm only a human you see, i have feelings.
i just don't like that sudden feeling where i'll be thinking,
"Where are you when i need you the most? Where?"
that sort of nonsensical question.
it's funny that one minute i'll be so hyper and the next second you'll be seeing me feeling so pathetic.
today i'll be so optimistic, the next day my mind will be filled with all the negative thoughts, being so pessimistive.
i can be so angelic, yea so called 'angelic' and the next thing i know, i've changed my mask becoming a real demon.
isn't it funny everyone of us ought to have split personalities, we ought to have two sides?
it's just the matter of whether the good one's or the bad one's gets the better out of you.

and i don't know. i'm being wrapped up in feelings of guilt for what i said and how i reacted earlier. i didn't mean to shout at you, making faces. but it just that when you are already so down, totally out of mood, all you ever wanted is someone to ask "Are you feeling better?" but instead, someone came to you and annoyed you. how would you feel?

life is like a blanket too short. you pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night. ooosh!