8.24am and im wide awake, surprisingly.

have you ever lost someone so dear to you?
do you even know how it feels to lose someone you truly care?

it feels bad isn't it?

your heart kept beating like an 808, nearing to having heart attack.
you don't feel comfortable.
all things crept into your mind.
you started to get worried.
you would even give up to your fairy tales dreams just to stay awake,
staring emptily at the screen,
all the What Ifs in you, wrapped with guilt.
hoping to receive just one missed call or anything from the one you love,
to ease off whatever pains or worries in you
praying hard as you could so things wouldn't get as bad as you thought.
when you are lost with words,
tears started flowing down your cheeks.
you feel scared
the principle is simple; when words are most empty, tears are most apt.
but when you get the response you wanted,
your heart tells you the opposite.
not only you feel stupid of yourself,
you feel mad at the person
evil thoughts conquering your mind once again,
but you feel a big sigh of relief
that everything falls into place
that's no wonder people says heart is an organ of fire,
also a complex organ.

it's amazing the things you realize
when you lose someone or to even feel it,
you get mad at yourself
for not saying the things you could've a million times,
for the things you did not get to do and kept in your heart.
you take for granted the days
spent doing nothing when you could have been with them.
anyone can be taken,
at any time in our lives,
but we always wait until they're gone to say
the things we never had the courage to before.
too often we take the ones we cared the most for granted,
treating them worse than anyone else,
knowing they wont leave us no matter what,
knowing they accept us for who we really are.
but beneath all these lies, do we take them for granted not?

today i feel how it feels to lose someone i loved.
i always thought it wouldn't feel as bad as i thought it would be
to lose someone special in my life,
for i always believe that life moves on as time passes by,
whether you want it or not.
time heals everything.
today my heart tells me the opposite.
i can't afford to lose anyone,
especially the love of my life
for i do not know what will i become
if i lose him.
say i'm obsess,
or maybe too into it for the moment,
but what i feel today,
i can't bare to lose the special ones in my life once again
i can't afford to lose in the game of love,
i can't spare to spend a day without my loved ones..
i can't and do not want to endure such pains
when my life seems to be in a fairy tale for the moment
though there'll be the day
where sun sets in
and giving way to the night

tomorrow is never a promise =)