Back For Good

i feel like blogging.

to jot down whatever emotions I'm feeling at the moment.

this phase is exhausting.
i don't know what I'm feeling anymore.
i feel numbed.
numb by the fact that I'm having so much in mind at the moment.

i would say Entrepreneurship was my turning point.

was really disappointed with the project.

no, not with the project. but with myself.

for not believing in myself,

for not standing firm in what i believe in.

& most of all, for not being good enough.

i constantly ask opinions from others, to prove my own merit.

& i choose not to listen to my inner voice.

i was devastated & almost fell into depression.

so i decided to run away & disappeared for a while. 

let me tell you, avoidance isn't the best way.

& being an anti-social doesn't work either.

i woke up one morning & decided to make a change.

i dont wana be forever looking up to people to prove my own merit.

i dont wana constantly put myself as a victim complaining about almost everything in life.

more importantly, i dont wana live in regret.

for that, i feel it is time to wake up.

no more saying tomorrow i'll change.

the change begins today, and everyday onwards.

i know i may not be right all the time, but i believe i may be right most of the time too.

i may not be perfect, but at least i am willing to learn and i no longer fear to commit mistakes neither do i be bothered by what others have to say about me anymore.

cos what others have to say, really don't matter.

what i think of myself, is what matter.

the best motivator i figured out, is not your family or friends. 

but is you, your own self.

if you don't, who else will?

i woke up on a Sunday morning and decided, i wana get bangs! despite what my mum and some friends told me not to get one, i insisted on getting one. for if i don't try, i'll never know if it suits me or not. besides, i thought it'll be a great way to put my words into action; i always say i wana boost my confidence & to start believing in myself, but what have i done so far? talk is cheap. so i gotta bear with the consequences of my actions. & tadaaaa....

if you ask me, i still have that little fear inside me. 

fear of rejection. 

but i kept reminding myself that i am stronger than i thought i was.

i will do the best i can in everything

& i will learn to love myself even more.

i will not put myself in a position to be let down by people

for i will not be afraid to express myself anymore.

if i am upset with you, i will say it straight to your face

but if i know i am wrong, i will not hesitate to apologize.

i will define my life for myself and i wana make a difference.

i wanna live in gratitude & let the real, authentic, courageous person i am shining through.

R.I.P to my fears, insecurities, negativity, doubts and timid person i used to be!

although i gotta admit, i am still the timid person i was,

but i pledge to change & allocate some time for myself to change.

let yesterday be a good reminder to do better today. and tomorrow be even better than today.

mistakes are allowed to be made, but to constantly regret is not.

also, i find these quotes very trued indeed. 

i really hope this inner fire in me is here to stay. for, it is the very reason i am motivated to make a change. ;))