Thoughts

I always have this fear in me. 

The fear of having regrets in life.

As much as I tried to control myself, I have a very lousy temper. 

Impatience towards my mum.

Oh gosh, I hate this.

But it's so hard to control at times.

When the night arrives, that's when I broke down so often. 

Afraid that it'll be too late for me to appreciate my mum, to be more patience with her. To not take her for granted. 

I don't wanna live another day with regrets anymore.

God, pls let my mum knows that I love her oh-so very much. Hehe

Hmmmph

I often have a hard time suppressing my feelings. Cos my emotions are always etched across my face for the world to see. I don't wanna do that anymore because it's tiring to have to explain myself over and over again because of some misunderstanding caused by my big mouth. I have to practice being more discreet. 

I guess, the very reason I stopped sharing also is because, people are too quick to judge without trying to understand why I'm even doing what I do. 

Sometimes it's even more so frustrating when I have to resolve an issue by raising my voice and being harsh only they'll stopped being so nonsensical and listened to me. What's the point when both parties are already hurt? I'm tired. I don't wanna try too hard in making others to understand me anymore. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all. As long as I'm being true to myself, that's all that matters, no?

Feeling good!

Criticisms after another. The decision that I have made, many might say I am immature still, that I don't think thoroughly enough. Yup, they may be right, but I figure out nobody knows how to live my life better than I do. 

It may be a wrong choice, but as long as I don't regret, I don't think that's bad, after all I'll be the one living up with the consequences of my choice.

People have their rights to opinions, it's up to me how much I am willing to listen. Surprisingly, I'm better in handling criticisms now, for I know, they care, that's why they even bother to waste their time to explain so much to me. 

Yet, I know very clearly what I want, so their criticisms don't hurt me anymore. I filter what I think is acceptable and what is not. I guess this is known as selective listening. Hehe

Feeling Meh!

In the pursuit of achieving what I want in life, I have had many challenges and obstacles thrown at me. At one point, I do feel like giving up.

& I always thought that one of my greatest weaknesses is my stubbornness. Stubborn is labelled as being selfish too, to some.  I tried to change, but I failed to do so.

But the way I see it now, being stubborn helps me to persevere and to not give up easily when things go wrong. Be it a good or a poor choice, for the least, I have no regrets, for I know, I have tried. When I have not fought enough for what I strongly believe in, that's when I regret the most. There's always the question of "What If?" that haunts me.

Now it appears to me again that, I might have made the wrong decision, for being too rush in my judgment . Everything is going upside down now and it's enough to drive me insane already. But let me tell you, I will persevere.

I remember reading something on the pursuit of happiness, that, when people throws bricks at you, build a castle instead & that the word "adventure" has just gotten overused. For me, adventure is when everything goes wrong, that's when the fun part begins!

#trying-to-be-all-positive-&-hope-it-helps-lol

P/s: I actually googled the meaning of "meh" and this is what I found in urban dictionary.com:

Meh is a word you use when you arent ok, but you arent too bad either and you dont really wanna talk about it cus you aint in the mood lol!