terrible thursday

i am sad and i am rather disappointed with things that happened and with the people i always thought is my friend.

i don't know.

i just feel so sad.

i don't mean to make a big fuss over a small matter, but this is me. i can't help but to just pour it all out.

Dear Bloggy,

people say nothing is impossible, but i possibly do nothing every day.

and i am not happy with what i see in my friends, their reactions and changes in them.

i have friends changing into someone seeking for fame and just want to be well known. is having the authority to control people is really that important that you have to be so fake to your friends, saying things which you do not mean it? trying to be nice to everyone. is being famous make u a happy person?

is this the reality of life where you do not even have one person stands by you, sharing what you feel and remain true to you no matter what the odds or what crap the world tells you?

did i actually brag too much that i am getting back all these now? i have no idea what kind of a person i am towards others, because i can't judge and i can't reflect myself.

i take friendship seriously, and maybe that's why it is killing me softly now. (i think) i am a friend what others call a friend. maybe i care too much, or maybe it's my attitudes that put them off. but when i treat someone good, i treat them whole-heartedly. i don't mind putting myself second and have to sacrifice for someone i considered as my good friends, so long as i feel they are worth being treated this way. i treasure all my friends and i want to see them happy. i know it sounds stupid. people that don't know me think i am fake, but people that do know me should know what kind of a person i am.

anyway, i don't know if it's a bad omen or what and i don't know if i should consider myself as lucky or the other way round. i was chosen to be the secretary of everything i joined in school (except for the heritage; only by name) which i seriously did not expect to held any post at all. i mean this and i am not bragging. i know i am blur, but when you are given the responsibility to do so and a chance to prove yourself, obviously you'll just grab it whether you think you are capable or not because i believe it can be moulded.

but what i noticed, people that i consider them as friends. my close friends were not happy about it and in fact making faces and being so sarcastic. i don't know..i just feel so sad. and disappointed. acquaintances making all these gestures, i don't even give a damn. but when come to my friends doing it, i feel rather disappointed.

small matter i know.

must i come to a stage where i just have to be so selfish, to think all about me, me and me alone not bothering what shits are happening to others? i am not saying that i am not selfish. i am selfish in many ways. if your being selfish for the beneficial of others or just to protect yourself, it's ok. but if you are selfish and envious because you cant afford to lose to others, cant bare to see them succeed and will do anything even to harm them just to get what you wanted, isn't it just too much?

i just want to fight off this fuzzy and uncomfortable feeling I am having right at this moment.
Lord, please help me. ='(

haha. when i am feeling rather so down, i came across these funny phrases;
***

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

***

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life.

***

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming.

***

Oh loving beauty, you float with grace

If only you could hide your face.

***

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot

This describes everything you are not.

***

I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

***

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way?

***

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss

But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

***
My feelings for you no words can tell

Except for maybe "Go To Hell".

***

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and
so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the
sugar bowl's empty and

so is your head

***

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

Two parts vodka, one part lime.

it makes my day! tee hee