Choices

i woke up smiling to myself because i had a really weird dream tonight.
i dreamt of something illogical, so childish.
but yet i woke up smiling to myself because i think it's so cute.
seconds passed me by, minutes & soon hours.
i'm still awake.
mind you, it's already near to 5am already.
i had so much thoughts in mind & was so reluctant to wake up.
if waking up in the reality is such a pain in the ass,
i'd rather sleep forever, seriously.
i wanted to blog, but no i shouldn't cos i told myself not to.
i wanted to blog cos i understand perfectly no one would ever understand me nor do i feel any better by telling them my problems.

the wise one once quoted,

Never tell your problems to anyone.. 20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

but i would say,
Never tell your problems to anyone..20% don't care and the other 80% are burdened by what you have to say.
so i told myself, if it's raining outside now i'll turn on my computer.
if it's not, i'll shut up & go to bed.
but no, even if it doesn't rain i chose to on my computer cos i know that's WHAT I REALLY WANTED at the moment. 

i burst down yesterday because i was left with so many choices to make.
& no. i'm not emo. i'm just feeling weak.
why do life always leave you with so many choices to make constantly, everyday without failed?
why can't it be a one-way street instead of having so many junctions along the way?
it's either you choose to go left or right,
wrong or right, you still have to move on with it.
nah, i already know we should be grateful when life appears most dire.
but i'm only human, so let me speak.
let me feel the emotions the way a normal human should be.

& no. i'm not complaining again.
but i have a question to ponder.
how would you react to this if today you're given a choice to choose only one.
something you have worked so hard from the beginning or to give it all up for the sake of your family?
i know i am selfish, very very selfish if i tell you no, i am not willing to give up for what i have believed & near to getting it already..
for whatever reasons..
not until to the stage where you have to put your family first, that i can consider.
but now, i guessed i have the answer already.
ahh, so relieved suddenly.

people says money makes the world go round.
fcuk them.
the people again.
i don't know if it's just me or happening to everyone else,
why do we humans or maybe just me, have to be bothered by what people have to say, to think about you, like seriously?
for the past ten years or more,
i have been a pretender,
living in denial.
living my life as if it's others.
cos i cared what they gotta think of me.
but recently,
somehow in a way i would say,
i found what i want
& i  know what i want
but people come to me & say
"Suk Wai you have changed. you are being selfish. & that's bad"
but no, i don't think that's as bad as i thought.
yes, sometimes i am not happy about it
but it's the people again that makes me not happy.
i'm really tired of entertaining the world already.
you have no rights to tell me what should or shouldn't do,
cos you ain't living my life,
mind yours first.
i just wana live my life,
solely for myself & not for anyone else at the moment,
cos i'm tired,
really really tired;
mentally, emotionally & physically *ehem. LOL

don't say i'm stupid if i tell this to you now,
blogging does heal.
i think i can r.i.p now.

oh btw, this is really interesting.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. 

well well well, You are really good in this huh?
thank You for guiding me no matter how difficult the path seems to be.
thank You for the life You have blessed me with, sincerely.

God bless everyone. hahaha