be my savior!

dear bloggie,
daytime, everything seems so normal
but when the day gives way to the night; that's when all the problems started.
i cant help but to complain all the time.
ranting over the smallest issue in life.
im such an asshole, no?

if you were to lend me a pair of sympathetic ears,
would you mind to open up my eyes to see the brightest side of everything instead being blurred by the vision i created for myself to see?

if there's only one question i'm allowed to answer without fear,
i would definitely want to say this with no offense, especially to the Big Boss up there..
for every breath i'm taking, it's suffocating me so slowly.
true, life is like a rollercoaster ride up & down
i started not to recognize myself & missed seeing the old me
now look what happened to myself?
i'm always so grumpy, pessimistic and the list goes on & on

i don't see myself smile & laugh as often as i used to
but tears & sorrows have been my comfort recently.
that's so not healthy.
i'm getting more & more sensitive that in another words,
i'm getting more desperate in craving the attention & concerns from the people that matter most to me, but when they don't live up to my expectations, i get so frustrated & upset.
wtf is wrong seriously? i wished i know the answer.


instead of building bridges connecting with the homosapiens out there, i'm building walls
instead of accepting people for who they really are, i''ve set a standard & expect them to live up to my standard.
i used to take pride in all the things that i do.
right or wrong decisions don't matter, i'm happy about it.
but now, i always have doubts & think too much of everything
tell me what's wrong really?

a friend of mine told me i did not learn to enjoy the present moments in my life, because all the joys & happiness, i left it back in my hometown.
another friend of mine also told me that, i'm still in the process of learning to adapt myself to the new environment; an isolation phase she named it

whatever it is, i'm still struggling with my own emotions & yet to find the solutions to it; internal conflicts & so they said.

what really brings me down is the fact that this one man has the ability to pull me down to my deepest emotions, every time he's being such a idontknowwhatistherightphrasetodescribehimwhenheisbeingsoinsensitivetomyemotions. i tried not to allow anyone to influence me or to make such a strong impact in my life, but i failed. arghhhh
the best thing is he knew nothing at all;
even when i'm angry or we had a cold war or something,
this innocent kid slept through the night soundly & not bothered to dig deeper into the issue
& when i finally decided to put away my ego & make peace with this innocent kid, he replied saying 'did we have a fight or something?' i don't know to laugh or to cry ;(
simple thing you thought is a crap, matters most to me.
not the pricey or expensive stuff that you value, but is the understanding & attention given by you are what i value most, you biggest idiotic moron! arghhh. babi btoi!

i wanna enjoy life as much as i could, be the person i used to love. be my savior, pls? ;D