feeling so dead tired right now.

spent hours and hours reading my friends' blogs.

i feel so bad again. LOL. i don't know why. i feel bad simply because i'm so mean.

i have difficulties expressing myself again.

my english is getting from bad to worse. i seriously need to read more books to improve in my grammar. LOL

sometimes i wished i could be more like all the others expressing everything out without even have to bother what others think of yourself, but i just can't. i feel the need to keep things all to myself even though i have the urge to share with my friends. i need some privacy, i need a space for myself.

there are things i wished to share out, but i just can't. i'm a miserable person i know. i admit i am.

there are many things bothering me right now.

one of it which i'm really concerned about is my bloody increasing weight! haha.

soon i'll turn into a big fat pig with a big fat ass, which i already am. sigh.

i couldn't stop eating, which i frequent ask myself "What i'm craving for actually? Why i'm reacting this way?".

i said sayonara to puberty years back, but still..

the day before yesterday, i went out supper with my mum and her friend in wolley. the following day, i was having sorethroat and my eyes got swollen! there's a pimple on it or whatever they call it..i feel so miserable and my hips getting gedeboom. i feel so ashamed of myself, but i'm doing nothing to make a difference. shame on me.

small matter, stop making a big fuss about it.

hmm, and my brother soon will be leaving to god-knows-where. i feel disheartened.. NO, heavy hearted to be exact. i don't know what might happen in the future, but right now i'm worried for nothing. LOL. suddenly, i have the feeling that i'm so gonna miss him. miss quarrelling with him. miss being annoyed by his attitudes and bahlala.. and worried because i'm afraid he doesn't appreciate this last chance given to him. i don't want to see him fall. i don't know how to put all these in words.. i'm just feeling uneasy. you can have all the plans or maybe none at all, but if you don't have the actions, all the good intentions will go in vain. i just... go speechless. i don't wish to see the person he is now, i just want him to make mum proud. that's all.

bloody fool.

alright, i think i really need to shake my ass now.

HAHA