random thoughts on a random sunday xD

right now i have this sudden craving to know what kind of a person i've been over the past eighteen years or so forth..

what kind of a friend am i to you?

there are few things that actually strike me, that keeps me thinking.

it's funny how you could easily point out a person's weaknesses or what you don't like about other people..

but if i were to point out my own flaws and what i don't like about myself, i seriously have no idea about it.

because i can't judge myself, i really don't know.

i don't even know if i've been over reacting, or maybe too sarcastic in the eyes' of others.

all i know, i'm just being me; saying what i wanna say, and do whatever i feel is right.. which yea.. it doesn't sound right eh? sounds foolish instead.

i always thought that my intention was good, telling others what they ought to know.. telling the truth is never easy, and what's more accepting the fact that knowing the truth sometimes hurt. i'm not tryna say that i'm a superhero who comes to rescue those in need, being so fair and just all the time. my standpoint is that, everyone ought to know the truth, and there'll always be one person to be the supervillain, telling you things that hurt. but i doubt that anymore. i really don't know. the tongue like a sharp knife.. kills without drawing blood.

i wonder how many victims i've killed over the years..

it wasn't my intention to be this mean, i'm just being myself.. craps.. i can change my attitudes. but it's not easy, it's superbly hard. take for example, you don't just love eating chocolate but you are totally obsessed with it. although chocolate makes you fat, you're still tempted to eat despite the consequences that you'll become a FAT HIPPO. same goes to; you were so used to being so mean, or being so crappy. out of a sudden, you just gotta change. learn to shut up, and to talk less. it ain't easy.

this monkie of mine used to send me a sms which rhymes like this:
it's actually a habit.
if you cut off the alphabet h from the word habit, there's still abit left
cut the a, still got bit,
cut the alphabet b, the word it is still there.
it's hard but do it slowly.

i'm sick of being the kinda girl where too often people don't take you seriously and only thinks that you are good for nothing. when you are being funny, they take you seriously. when it's time for you to be really serious, no one trusts you. depressing isn't it?

and i learnt something. i must change, whether i like it or not. all i need is time, to change slowly. but when ones started to change their attitudes, it doesn't mean they are being another person. it only shows maturity. okay, maybe not maturity but more to a self discovery where you started to learn who you are, stepping from the known to the unknown.

but the question is, what kind of a person i have been all these years to you?

i seriously need to know.

i don't know why, but i always love honest criticisms coz somehow or rather it builds rather than complimenting someone when you don't mean what you say, it doesn't help at all.

* i hate staying wide awake at this hour, coz it kept me thinking hell lotsa lame stuffs.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, the wisdom to know the difference, the strength of mind to control my tongue, and may sleeping spell bestowed upon me. in God's name i pray. woo ahh ahh (ajaran monkie sesat xD)