random thoughts

sometimes i cant stop to ponder,
life's really a bitch, no?
it's never fair especially in the game of love.
but this game is not something that can be measured,
how much i have sacrificed for you & how much i have to receive in return,
to make it equals.
it's a selfless act.
give without expecting anything in return.
but then again,
i can't help but to feel a slight disappointment in me.
why when you are my priority, everything i am ever willing to give up for you;
but only to realize i'm your second best?
that you rather allow your conscious mind to take over your heart?
stop feeding me with logics, cos it ain't gonna work on me.

i don't know what the other women out there have in mind,
but for me, i'd rather have a sweet loving bf/husband/or whatever-that-is,
to put me first before everything else.
not chasing after wealth, fame, career or etc..
the only thing i ever asked of,
is to be loved whole heartedly by the man i love,
no more space for other bullshits.
it's not about buying expensive gifts that makes me happy, it's the efforts put in that count
it's not about collecting a lump sum of time to make it for the time missed being together,
but every second, every minute of it that matters.
stop putting up excuses saying you're tied up with this & that; or you have no time at all, when all i really want is just some quality time together.
is it really too much or just me being too demanding?
i try not to be too sensitive about every lil' thing, but to try to understand the situation you're put into & suck up whatever unnecessary emotions that i am not supposed to reveal,
but one day i'm gonna burst because you know how much i hate bottling up everything without given the chance to express myself.
maybe one day you'll watch me leave because after all, you'll realize you have had enough of all this bullshit tolerating with me.
& maybe one day i'll not be afraid to be myself anymore, the person i used to be.
a heart makes of rock.
all i really want is to be myself,
doing what i like best,
having the chance to express what i really want.
life's never perfect.
life's a BITCH!
but if you ask me, how would i rate my life right now?
my answer is simple, i am happy with what i have at the moment, only that there's too much of emotions in me waiting to spill out.
no one's born a perfectionist.
so don't judge me.
HAHA