my life's been superb busy.

so i get back to Sidewalk the other day to earn more money since working with Kenny Rogers like having vacation nie. i've been only working for 3days a week, can you imagine how desperate i need the money now? & of cos, nothing comes easy in life. you have to work hard to gain what you want & that's exactly what i'm doing right now.

morning kenny rogers until 7pm had to rush to work in Sidewalk at 7.30pm until 1am, & the next day get back to work in KR as early as 8.30am! wow. i couldn't believe that was me doing that for the sake of my Macbook, but something is telling me all my sweats and bloods are worth it at the end of the day. perseverance.

so i had my siesta & once i got up, it feels as if this body of mine does not belong to me.

oh yes, & i have this emotional breakdown again. i don't know what's wrong with me these days, but i feel as if im being extra sensitive. every words spoken by him, matter to me. so shitty.

i had such an unforgettable birthday night & remembering he did mention that he wouldn't take off just to celebrate whoever's birthday. cos for him; birthday, no biggies. but today, he told me. he's planning to ask to go home early cos he wana celebrate his sister's birthday. very much reasonable. but why is it so that my heart aching? im sensitive, getting more sensitive in fact. i tried not to think about it, but i couldn't stop thinking.. would he ever do the same for me too? stopped telling me how much you wanted to spend your day with me when you don't even try to put your words into action. what if that night on my birthday, he actually tried to ask to go home early just to celebrate with me & not making my whole day feeling so miserable & how desperately i want that night to end cos on my birthday, i don't feel being remembered at all. i just wanted more attention, only for one day, was that too much to ask for? & now asked me to take off on Sunday's night so that i can join his family together for the birthday's celebration. maybe it's just me, but that's so contrasting to what he has once said. or maybe it's me again, being so selfish. tell me what's right & whats wrong. cos i don't know how to be rational in this case.

true, in a relationship it's not about revenge. you did this to me & i have to do the same for you, but i'm feeling weak already.. i tried, i tried really really hard to live up to your expectations but why is it that i'm always wronged in your eyes?