"I LOVE YOU" is a phrase with three words: "I" the subject; "YOU" the object; and "LOVE" the verb. to love is an action. it's true.

it's never me to talk about love or romance but when you are in love, you just know the right words to say, how it makes you feel and things like that. even up to now, i kept asking myself if i have made the right choice, by accepting someone i barely know if i could commit genuinely, whether it's the right time to open up your heart to someone when you know this is the crucial year for yourself and the person involved. but deep inside, a voice within me is telling "it's time. just go for it.." so shit. i don't even know what i'm talking now. haha

it has been years i've waited for the right person to come into my life telling me exactly the answer of my heart, why you love me? but none lived up to my expectations, i don't mean to say i'm that perfect myself but when comes to falling in love, it's something i really take it cautiously because i never allow myself to play with a guy's heart just like what i see in my dad playing with my mum's. it hurts so badly that it is as if your heart has been crashed into tiny bits of pieces and i know how it feels for it made an impact in my life myself.

today's valentines..
pretty funny actually.
the babi was late for an hour..
ended up wasted rm20 for nothing..
let jia ee and pui yee have some space. haha
but still, i wanna watch the pink panther!
everywhere flooded with hell lotsa couples..
no wonder it's called mountain people mountain see.
must it be on valentines only the couples will be so lovey dovey?
if two persons are in love, ain't everyday is valentines?
must it be so specified that 14th february is valentines, the day where you'll be showing your affection to your loved ones?
we ended up in some ancient restaurant eating japanese food..
yea.. very ancient.. service also very kuno..
wasted an hour or so, but it was worthwhile..
we really shared our stories which it amused me to be frank.
i couldn't believe how close we've been together ever since we started.
i always thought this relationship ain't gonna work.
we're two totally different person.
i am loud, and he is quiet.
i am crazy, and he is serious.
i am hyper and he is dull
i am like an 8 years old kid whilst he's like a 28 years old man stucked in a body of an 18 years old.
we're so different in many ways,
that once i even made fun saying of all the guys, he'll never be the one in my life..
but it proves me wrong, completely.
the power of love, isn't it amazing?
it makes you do and say the impossible,
to believe that anything is possible.
don't be too sure of yourself.
there's no certainty.

the first month, i find it awkward..
i don't see love. i don't even know what it is about and why i got myself trapped in this game of love.
i find it boring.
i know i can't commit.
if possible, i just wanna run away.
if possible, i just wanna end it all.
i made a mistake, and so i thought.

second month, i find it sweet..
i see how much he sacrificed for me yet i don't allow myself to love him just for what he has done.
that's sympathy.
there's still a wall i built deep within my heart for years, that i don't allow anyone to break it soon enough.
but slowly, he's showing me what love is all about.
love unconditionally, and never expect anything in return.
it's all about understanding.
it's about patience.
it's about considering what's best for the other person, and not merely what you think is best for you.
it's about being able to control your feelings and to base our emotions and perceptions in reality.
it's all about maturity.
isn't it funny i could say so much?
isn't it funny all these things came out from my mouth?
he made me understand all these.
he made me understand perfectly that i don't need to find a perfect lover, all i gotta do is to create a perfect love.
that's all that matters.

third month, i find out that i'm head over heels. so shit
i never really say it to anyone.
i don't even know how to show it.
all i do, is to be cool about it and being emotionless.
my first time being so head over heels,
yet i remind myself. 'sukwai, you gotta control yourself. take it slowly. play it cool. there's no need to rush.'
my first time hugging someone so tight that i wished i don't have to let go.
my first time holding a guy's hand.
my first time kissing a guy and yet i don't think it's bad.
my first time hearing a guy's heartbeats at such a distance.
my first time knowing that a guy will be so nervous everytime i'm near him.
my first time going on a trip with a guy.
my first time curang-ing and not bothered by what the consequences are.
my first time saying 'i love you' and really mean it.
my first time having to meet a guy who treats you like you are his world.
my first time really cared for a guy.
my first time massaging a guy and actually being massaged in return.
my first time seeing how a guy put off his pride to do whatever you wish
my first time knowing that i have someone to stand by you no matter how terrible you are, taking in your good and bad.
my first time being so furious over a small matter.
my first time meeting my Yes Man.
i can keep on typing if i want to,
coz there's so many of my first times being shared with him.
eventhough one day if god decided to call it off for us, i believe that i'll have no regrets as i looked back to how much we have been through ups and downs.
he creates a memorable chapter in my life and will always make a difference. he changed me. i doubt if i'll ever love someone as deep as what i have for him now, well doesn't matter. appreciate what you have in the present. love truly as if its your last xD